I feel as if this is a good time to give everyone the 411 on my crazy life given the random and recent events. Please forgive me on any and all grammatical mistakes and/or incoherent sentences, because 1) i'm not much of a lingusit (inspite my attempts), 2) i'm a little intoxicated (yes, it is a wed night/thursday morning), and 3) i'm still trying to sort it all out myself...
Three years ago it started. I was 24, a year out of college and a year into my marriage. Things had started out well enough, but a piece of me already knew that things were not quite right... Looking back at it now, i know that it was all wrong from the beginning. Kim was my first real long term girlfriend, my first real love, and my first real lover. Everything seemed right! We went from dating to serious to engaged to married before i even knew it, yet it seemed the natural progression and... normal. It took that first year of actual marriage for me to see that i wasnt, in fact, happy. I went through the motions and now i was stuck.
Instead of doing what was right, talking to her and/or talking to a third person, i sought solice in another way. I created my secret life as a gambler and became addicted to the liftstyle. Like many others who have addictions, gambling became my escape and the only real thing that i wanted. Two years of that and i was in deep, very deep. I had my share of winning thousands, and def my share of losing it. By the time i decided enough was enough, i was tens of thousands in the hole and didnt know what to do. I had done all of this behind Kim's back and didnt think she would forgivr me. Like some of you know... i took off.
I drove.... and drove. I was gone for a week and thought that leaving all friends and family behind was the best answer. If they were away from my addiction, it was all for the better. I was the scum of the earth for putting me and my loved ones in this situation, the best solution was to remove myself forever. I thought this at the time and truly believed it. After that week, i found the courage to check my e-mails and found that i was wrong. People wanted me back and wanted to help.
I came back to face what i had created and have been dealing with it still. At first, Kim did not invite me back to the house we owned, so i lived with my parents for a time. After a few months, a friend of mine invited me to take a room in his house. He owned a 5 bedroom place with a bunch of cool younger guys and i jumped at the opportunity. The rent was cheap, and even with half a mortgage payment, i could afford it. Kim and I continued to try and deal with us while i also tried to deal with my responsibility.
I lived there for a year. The friend who offered the room became a best friend and things were tight, monetarily, but doable. I visited Kim at her new house in North Carolina this past Thanksgiving (our house was for sale and empty), we were still talking and trying to give things a fair chance. During that weekend we got into an argument of some sort to which she decided to throw out the latest bombshell. Three days after i left she had been with the guy who i was living with.
I thought she was lying. I went 'home' convinced she was lying. Upon confronting my friend it was obvious she was not. Appearently they vowed to never tell me... why? Who knows. How he could live with me under his roof for a year without ever telling me? Who knows.
Its been a few months and i am back living in the house we are trying to sell. A year and a half after our separation and things are still not settled. Its is a mess. Luckily, everything besides this house is finalized. This is the last asset we own. The market sucks and it will take time to sell, but for the time being i am actually happy to be here. In fact, the last year and a half (besides the bombshell) has been pretty damn good. I am dating girls (after our official separation agreement), feeling good about myself, and having lots of fun.
The big deal is still this house. I talk to Kim, due to this house, and we are social, but there is no chance for us anymore. I have not talked to me friend since i moved out of his house and dont see a reason to continue that friendship. In the last year and a half, i have met a ton of new friends and know now what i am looking for in a woman... of which (if you dont mind me tooting my own horn) there are a lot of.
I wont lie, though... having been stabbed by family and friend... im not in a good state. In spite the side business. I was in therapy for the mess i made myself and Kim in the beginning, and this latest news has driven me back.
I need to sell this fucking house and lose all ties with her so i can finally move on. Luckily, i have found solice in jesus and i always have my family, but christ i think i need something else. The latest girls have been fun... but it isnt remotely the same. I dont need Kim, but fuck, i need something........?
Thats where i am. I am dealing, and i think it is the best way right now... but i dont know what to do. Luckily, i havent been driven to gambling again, but fuck.... what is out there?
Three years ago it started. I was 24, a year out of college and a year into my marriage. Things had started out well enough, but a piece of me already knew that things were not quite right... Looking back at it now, i know that it was all wrong from the beginning. Kim was my first real long term girlfriend, my first real love, and my first real lover. Everything seemed right! We went from dating to serious to engaged to married before i even knew it, yet it seemed the natural progression and... normal. It took that first year of actual marriage for me to see that i wasnt, in fact, happy. I went through the motions and now i was stuck.
Instead of doing what was right, talking to her and/or talking to a third person, i sought solice in another way. I created my secret life as a gambler and became addicted to the liftstyle. Like many others who have addictions, gambling became my escape and the only real thing that i wanted. Two years of that and i was in deep, very deep. I had my share of winning thousands, and def my share of losing it. By the time i decided enough was enough, i was tens of thousands in the hole and didnt know what to do. I had done all of this behind Kim's back and didnt think she would forgivr me. Like some of you know... i took off.
I drove.... and drove. I was gone for a week and thought that leaving all friends and family behind was the best answer. If they were away from my addiction, it was all for the better. I was the scum of the earth for putting me and my loved ones in this situation, the best solution was to remove myself forever. I thought this at the time and truly believed it. After that week, i found the courage to check my e-mails and found that i was wrong. People wanted me back and wanted to help.
I came back to face what i had created and have been dealing with it still. At first, Kim did not invite me back to the house we owned, so i lived with my parents for a time. After a few months, a friend of mine invited me to take a room in his house. He owned a 5 bedroom place with a bunch of cool younger guys and i jumped at the opportunity. The rent was cheap, and even with half a mortgage payment, i could afford it. Kim and I continued to try and deal with us while i also tried to deal with my responsibility.
I lived there for a year. The friend who offered the room became a best friend and things were tight, monetarily, but doable. I visited Kim at her new house in North Carolina this past Thanksgiving (our house was for sale and empty), we were still talking and trying to give things a fair chance. During that weekend we got into an argument of some sort to which she decided to throw out the latest bombshell. Three days after i left she had been with the guy who i was living with.
I thought she was lying. I went 'home' convinced she was lying. Upon confronting my friend it was obvious she was not. Appearently they vowed to never tell me... why? Who knows. How he could live with me under his roof for a year without ever telling me? Who knows.
Its been a few months and i am back living in the house we are trying to sell. A year and a half after our separation and things are still not settled. Its is a mess. Luckily, everything besides this house is finalized. This is the last asset we own. The market sucks and it will take time to sell, but for the time being i am actually happy to be here. In fact, the last year and a half (besides the bombshell) has been pretty damn good. I am dating girls (after our official separation agreement), feeling good about myself, and having lots of fun.
The big deal is still this house. I talk to Kim, due to this house, and we are social, but there is no chance for us anymore. I have not talked to me friend since i moved out of his house and dont see a reason to continue that friendship. In the last year and a half, i have met a ton of new friends and know now what i am looking for in a woman... of which (if you dont mind me tooting my own horn) there are a lot of.
I wont lie, though... having been stabbed by family and friend... im not in a good state. In spite the side business. I was in therapy for the mess i made myself and Kim in the beginning, and this latest news has driven me back.
I need to sell this fucking house and lose all ties with her so i can finally move on. Luckily, i have found solice in jesus and i always have my family, but christ i think i need something else. The latest girls have been fun... but it isnt remotely the same. I dont need Kim, but fuck, i need something........?
Thats where i am. I am dealing, and i think it is the best way right now... but i dont know what to do. Luckily, i havent been driven to gambling again, but fuck.... what is out there?
