I only got 1/4 of the way down, but I like this one:
"Did you know America ranks the lowest in education but the highest in drug use? It's nice to be number one, but we can fix that. All we need to do is start the war on education. If it's anywhere near as successful as our war on drugs, in no time we'll all be hooked on phonics."
Bush is helping ensure this :-) Creationism my ass.....