The Shrine

...and I couldn't tell you what I did to try and make it work but apparently it didn't. I bent backwards for this girl and she gave up. So I'm single again. It still hasn't really sunk in and when I think about trying to get back into the dating pool and meeting other people I still get this nausea and guilt like I'd be cheating on her or not respecting the times we did share and the period that is almost instilled in me that needs to quietly mourn the passing of our relationship. But another part of me says, I'm in the prime of my life and I need, <I>I NEED</I> to move on as quickly as possible so maybe I can find someone and still have a good time in my twenties.

Have I wasted a year and three months? No. What does she think? Probably she has since time is something she has less of since she was older than I am.

Can I move on now? Maybe after tomorrow when I go reclaim all of the stuff I've left at her place. Don't worry, I won't be making any mistakes by facing her down there.

Breaking up is hard. Just remember. You definitely didn't waste the time together as long as you had fun and learned from it.

And try not to be in the mindset that "you're supposed to be in your prime so you have to get back out there immediately." It'll just screw you over more. If you need a few days, a few weeks, a few months then take it and just be single and have fun not being tied down. And you never know. During that time, someone might just fall into your lap.

Sorry to hear that it ended though, man. If she wasn't willing to put any effort into the relationship then she doesn't deserve you, man. Find the girl that does.

Sorry to hear that, man.

I wouldn't place so much importance on the "move on as quickly as possible" part. Give your emotions some time to settle down, lest you end up doing something or someone you regret later. Other than that, you seem to be handling it pretty well. You're already getting your stuff back. Some people skip that process entirely.

Tough luck, bud. All I can say is just try and move on as quickly as possible, it's the best thing you can do

Went and picked up my shit. Tried one last ditch effort to save the relationship and she didn't want to try.

This morning I don't really feel hurt or loss because in my eyes, I did everything I could. It's sad that it has to be this way and she's got to act crazy (especially about the whole "I'm changing and I don't like it" bullshit when she preaches to try new things to change and shape my life...no one asks for change, it just happens). Maybe it was for the better since she has had such a pessmistic attitude on things recently. The worst part is that she kept things that bothered her from me, almost like this was staged or setup. That's what really hurts the most right now because she never gave me a chance to fix or change some things.

Oh well, it's over with. Time to move on, one day at a time. Hind sight is always 20/20 so I'll try not to repeat history with whoever I meet next.

Barret wrote:Oh well, it's over with. Time to move on, one day at a time. Hind sight is always 20/20 so I'll try not to repeat history with whoever I meet next.

My attitude is I'm just going to be who I am and if she don't like that, then it just wasn't meant to be. There's always that part in a relationship where you find out the "real" person you're with and it often happens a few months in. I just remove that time by being who I am right off the bat (and basically with everyone I ever meet for very similar reason....minus the romance, of course :-). It's just easier that way IMO.

I agree, the time wasnt wasted, as long as you enjoyed yourself and learned from it. And I wouldnt worry about hurrying up, take your time and take things at your own pace. If you need me, you know how to reach me.

Well, people need to change, too. You being who you are all the time just doesnt work when you have two people to think about. That +1 adds a whole new element.

Flip wrote:Well, people need to change, too. You being who you are all the time just doesnt work when you have two people to think about. That +1 adds a whole new element.

Being who you are doesn't necessarily mean you're being selfish or ignoring the wants and needs of the other person. That's where maturity and a general sense of caring comes into play.

If being yourself means you like to watch what she wants to watch or do things she likes to do then yes, you dont really need to change at all. Most people, however, struggle with this give and take and need change to become better people.

Flip wrote:If being yourself means you like to watch what she wants to watch or do things she likes to do then yes, you dont really need to change at all. Most people, however, struggle with this give and take and need change to become better people.

She definitely struggled with this concept. I at least made attempts to enjoy and experience things she enjoyed but it took a lot of tooth pulling to get her to even attempt to do something I wanted too. Especially if it had something to do with my friends.

Barret wrote:

Flip wrote:If being yourself means you like to watch what she wants to watch or do things she likes to do then yes, you dont really need to change at all. Most people, however, struggle with this give and take and need change to become better people.

She definitely struggled with this concept. I at least made attempts to enjoy and experience things she enjoyed but it took a lot of tooth pulling to get her to even attempt to do something I wanted too. Especially if it had something to do with my friends.

My wife and I don't really have a lot of similar interests, so what we've done is pick stuff we do together and make sure we do them on a regular basis. We go to the movies, go walking, camping, etc. And I dislike basically everything she watches and vice versa, but we have Veronica Mars which we both watch (and I may get into Battlestar, but I have to catch up). So we make a point of watching that together whenever it's on or we download it.

But she definetely gets a long with my friends and family, that's huge. You can't completely separate your spouse from your family and friends, it's silly. To me, that was one of the first things I did when I thought I was going to get serious with her. I made sure she got along with the people currently in my life 'cause I didn't want to lose that.

To answer your question, were you wasting your time? Probably not in the beginning, in the last bit, yeah, unless you were getting something good out of it, which it doesn't seem like you were. So yes, you were wasting time, just not a year and three months time, maybe just the last few months. If you were to continue the relationship, you are wasting your time, she doesn't seem to really care much for the relationship, so why bother putting so much effort pouring water into a negelcted and cracked glass? The drink you will get from it will not be as satisfying as you would hope.

Don't even bother doing much thinking on the situation, you didn't do anything wrong. Even if you did, it doesn't matter, it is not important. It is not worth worrying over something that only used to matter.

Do you feel some sort of a void? Think about it, it is really quite silly. You now have the opportunity to test out your game, it's always a lot of fun, and something that you 'should' only do while single. Hey, if you are as good as you think you are, then she was an idiot. Though if you still feel guilty for much longer about dating other girls, then you are the idiot; only because the reason you feel guilty is a foolish one.

Just go about your life the way you normally would if she wasn't there. Don't even bother with a relationship, just go and date as much as you can, it's a lot of fun.

The game testing will probably be happening this weekend as I am going to a house party for a friend who is going away. She's got a few hot friends that I believe are still single so it will be interesting. My weekends are all booked pretty much. This weekend is the HP, next weekend is Kansas City for my buddy's B-day, the weekend after that I've got to work on saturday but shouldn't have much trouble finding a bar, and the last weekend of September, the 4th wedding of the season for me. I guess that means a funeral is probably coming soon right?

You tried. Time to move on.

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Flip wrote:The bot has no pity.

rofl

Fuck the bot.