The Shrine

So I took the initiative at the beginning of this quarter of school and used the counseling services on campus. So I've been in counseling for about 3 months now and I must say things have gotten better for me. I also got prescribed antidepressants, which was probably something I should have been on for awhile now (male family history of depression). But you really should be in counseling if you do antidepressants so you get to the true root of the issue. I'm feeling happier and making headway with my life and am not as scared as I was about the future and graduating.

As far as my girl situation went and goes... me and the girl finally just came to the conclusion we can't be friends now. Which I should have just went with from the get go because I can never be just friends with an Ex right away without it blowing up in my face in some way. In my case with her I still wanted to date her, but she did not want that, even though she claimed she was still crazy about me, guess there were too many reasons and people telling her not to. I also realized I could not trust her just like she could not trust me, she would say something and do something one week and it would be different the next.

I'm bummed that I could not get it together when we were together, but I guess this is a lesson for the road. I also have to be mindful of my subconscious urge to "rescue" people, because I think all my Ex's have something along those lines in common.

Eye opening period, just hoping to make the most of the rest of college and get over the girl. But I do feel better and will continue my counseling.

"I believe women are like sunsets- they're beautiful, but there will be a new one tommorow." -Gilder, Skies of Arcadia =)

Or, alternately...

"Women. Can't live with them, can't shoot them and bury them in the backyard." --Al Bundy.

Hope you feel better soon.

Happy to see you've gotten better, Anarky. Just remember, the goal now is to fix up the parts of your life that caused the depression in the first place and get off of the pills. They're a temporary measure to help you get over the initial hump only and not a permanent solution in any way. The real hard work is now and you seem to have started by eliminating your ex as a friend.

My favourite one is: "Women, can't live with them, can't do most positions without them" - Dan from Night Court

Or: "Women, can't live with them.......Woody, would you pass the beer nuts?" - Norm from Cheers

Yup... getting to the root is gonna take sometime, but I'm confidedent that I'm finally going about it the right way. Obviously I have more up with me than some girl issues, but who doesn't.

Glad to see you doing well Anarky...

If you don't mind me asking, what antidepressants did they put you on? I was on Paxil for the past 3 years for anxiety (did horrible things to my acid reflux) but I just recently got off it...wasn't easy at all.

20mg of Prozac every morning. May need to up the dose yet, only been on it for a month and am going back in for a check up in 2 weeks to see how I'm doing, but the stuff takes awhile to kick in.

Normally I would say something along the lines of "I wish I was there to kick your ass". But if this is actual clinical depression, that's another matter.

I still wish I was there to kick your ass though. Don't let anyone, especially a girl at this stage of your life have that kind of control over your psyche.

Ishamael wrote:Normally I would say something along the lines of "I wish I was there to kick your ass". But if this is actual clinical depression, that's another matter.

I still wish I was there to kick your ass though. Don't let anyone, especially a girl at this stage of your life have that kind of control over your psyche.

LOL I appreciate it, but I've honestly kind of been blue since I started junior high school. That was about the time my dad's Multiple Sclerosis got pretty bad and that period is awkward enough. The girl did not have the much power over my psyche, but she pushed the last few buttons. Most of my issues relate back to my dad's MS and the verbal bashing of my self esteem that occurred because he could not cope with his shit. Now I gotta work through my shit and take the initiative to get better

I understand the problems of having a father who can't handle his shit and takes it out on his kids...

My dad used to verbally shit on my mom, saying things like "I don't want to be married to you because you're not pretty enough."

Then after she kicked him out, he married a paranoid neurotic who's treated my mother and sister (who are both strong, vibrant women) like they came out of something's asshole since the first day she met them.

She's claimed that my mother has tried to poison the minds of myself and my sister, and when my sister was out partying in high school, she decided that my sis was headed down the road to perdition, bought "Saving The Souls Of Adolescent Girls", and went down a crazy-Jewish "you're fucked up and need to be saved" tip which just served to increase my sister's adolescent self-image issues (which she, thank God, got through despite it).

Now he has a restraining order against me, because she's been teaching my little brother (her son) the same kind of bigotry, and after fifteen years I finally couldn't take that shit and went over to their house and yelled at her over it. I was pretty angry, but the fact that he's trying to bring the courts into this just shows me what a pathetic pile he is - unable to solve his problems by himself, he relies on people stronger than him to try to enforce his power-tripping, insecure personality.

This is all separate from his removal of his financial support from me in college after I started having problems there - which is one of the big reasons I have no college degree today, and make slightly less than $40,000 a year at this point as an independent game developer. Which is fine, really, but most of my friends make twice what I do at this point. (I do know that I could have paid for my college tuition myself if I'd been willing to transfer out of Stanford, which is prohibitively expensive, but when I left high school I was probably as highly-sought-after a student as anyone that enters the college admissions process, short of being a recruited athlete, and could have gone to school free if I'd wanted to. After years of miserable experiences at Stanford and grades that suffered because of it, I wasn't quite undesirable, but all of that had certainly dried up...and if I'd known that my dad was going to start pulling the rug out from under me, I'd never have gone to Stanford in the first place.)

Realistically, my father is out of my life, and may never enter back into it unless he can profoundly change his intolerant, chronic-depressive ways.

I don't really think about it from day to day, and I'm pretty happy these days despite wishing I made more money...so hang in there.

For whatever reason, it seems like our generation got shafted on the "competent father" tip, as I have more than one friend my age who's similarly estranged from his father at this point. But it doesn't mean you have to let it screw up your life in the long run...don't let your self-esteem suffer because of someone else's tragedies....

...that's like, profound and shit. Teh wisdom!!!!