The Shrine

So I'm in a bit of a Seinfeldian situation at the moment and I'm not entirely sure what to do, so I figured I'd throw a line out here and see what you guys think.

Here's the thing:

In a couple weeks, I will be going to an ultimate frisbee tournament in western Ohio. I'll be driving, as usual, and based on past experiences, my initial plan this year was to leave my house in eastern Mass. on Thursday night, drive a few hours, grab a hotel somewhere, get up on Friday morning, drive the rest of the way into Cleveland (where most of the people I'll be playing with at the tournament live) to lend a hand with bringing people and gear, and drive the rest of the way to the tourney location to arrive and set up camp on Friday night. I was then planning on driving back to Cleveland on Sunday night, staying over with somebody, and then driving the rest of the way home on Monday.

However, I got an email yesterday from a one of the other guys who'll be playing with us, saying that he and a couple of his friends live "in NY" and were wondering if they could hook up with me for a ride. I told them the specifics about my car and capacity, said I could probably pick them up if they weren't too far off any of the routes I could take, and asked specifically where they live, to which he replied...

Manhattan.

Now, not only is it kind of out of the way that I would usually go, going that way means I wouldn't be able to stop for the night at any point (meaning all of my sleep would have to be in the car), it also means that I would have to drive in and out of Manhattan twice - and to be honest, I have no desire whatsoever to do any of those things.

The problem here, however, arises in the fact that it's not that I *can't* pick them up, it's that I don't *want* to. But I'll be playing with these guys all weekend - how do I tell them that and not have them pissed off at me for the whole tourney? At this point, can I even possibly refuse?

I'd appreciate any perspective you guys can give. Thanks.

How far, in hours, out of the way is it? (Including traffic.)

Okay, you've told them the specifics of what you can do and that you don't want to go too far out off your intended route.

If Manhattan is off this route (and I'm sure it is) then forget it. Don't be a doormat, these guys are mooches plain and simple. It doesn't sound like just a little change in plans for you, it sounds like it would be really out of your way.

I'd be selfish and tell them to catch a Greyhound. I like going to tournaments in a good state.

Googlemaps says that if I go straight from my town to the tourney location, it'll take 15 hours 35 minutes.

If I go from my town to New York, it takes 4 hours 32 minutes, and from New York to the tourney is 12 hours 22 minutes which equals 16 hours 54 minutes.

So we're already adding in an extra 1:20, and that doesn't even figure in the traffic on 95, or getting into/out of Manhattan, or finding someplace to put my car when I pick the guys up, or any of that crap. I'd have to figure that extra traffic and et cetera would add at least another hour or two.

Not to mention that the drive took me 17 last year with rest stops factored in, which means that I'd be spending roughly 20 hours on the road if I did this.

the Gray wrote:If Manhattan is off this route (and I'm sure it is) then forget it. Don't be a doormat, these guys are mooches plain and simple. It doesn't sound like just a little change in plans for you, it sounds like it would be really out of your way.

You do have a really good point there...I was just wondering the best way to phrase that sort of thing so that I don't sound like a whiny bitch.

Just white lie it, say you have it planned so that the extra time it would take to pick them up wouldnt work because you cant leave any earlier than you have planned and then all of you would be late.

I probably wouldn't pick them up. I'd tell them that if they want to ride with you, they can drive to <i>you</i> and you all can go from where you are.

Tell them that they'd have to meet you outside of the city, somewhere along the highway. That way it's convenient for everyone. Othewise, I'd agree with Gray

I'd just tell them "can't do it" and then "See you at the tournament"

Thanks for the advice, everyone. If you're interested, here's what I wrote back.

<i>Hi *name*,

No offense meant, but I have no desire whatsoever to try to drive in and out of NYC twice in the space of four days - I'm going to the tournament to try to have fun!

Seriously though, trying to divert my route to go through Manhattan will be a huge pain in the ass, put me in the path of a lot more traffic, and would make me completely change the timing of my plan that I originally had for driving out there.

If you guys are dead set on catching a ride, we might be able to swing something where you meet up with me just off 84 somewhere - but other than that, I don't know how this would work without being a huge inconvenience, and I'd be better served taking 90 the whole way and meeting up with *another name* and the rest of the team in Cleveland on Friday (which was my original plan).

Let me know what you think.
-*me*</i>

Agent 57 wrote:Thanks for the advice, everyone. If you're interested, here's what I wrote back.

<i>Hi *name*,

No offense meant, but I have no desire whatsoever to try to drive in and out of NYC twice in the space of four days - I'm going to the tournament to try to have fun!

Seriously though, trying to divert my route to go through Manhattan will be a huge pain in the ass, put me in the path of a lot more traffic, and would make me completely change the timing of my plan that I originally had for driving out there.

If you guys are dead set on catching a ride, we might be able to swing something where you meet up with me just off 84 somewhere - but other than that, I don't know how this would work without being a huge inconvenience, and I'd be better served taking 90 the whole way and meeting up with *another name* and the rest of the team in Cleveland on Friday (which was my original plan).

Let me know what you think.
-*me*</i>

Sounds reasonable. And it's nice you offered them an alternative meeting them halfway.