The Shrine

I am breaking my self-imposed ban on movie reviews because I want everyone here to avoid the suffereing my wife put me through this past week. Forget the juvenile "Zeus' tastes in movies" suck thing you guys have stuck in your heads and just listen. It's for your own good.

Let me set this up so you can truly understand: It was my 5th wedding anniversary so I told my wife "honey, we can do whatever you want". So she decides she wants to go to dinner and a movie (we couldn't do much...I'll explain in a thread in DS why). What movie does she want to see? The Happening (which shall henceforth be known as The Crappening). I begged and pleaded for days for her to reconsider. Hulk was coming, after all, and Zohan was already out. Hell, I'd rather go to Made of Honor but my wife dislikes romantic comedes and being a full-on female, her resolve to see The Crappening was strengthened at the very thought of the long-term trauma it would cause me. It was the ONLY way she could get me to see it (and she's used up her movie-selecting options for the next year at least).

Forget my bitching pre-release about the Transformers. As far as I'm concerned, Shyamalan is a one-hit wonder, an absolute hack. Sixth Sense? Awesome. Unbreakable? OK but had an excellent ending. Everything since has been complete and utter fecal matter with each film getting worse. So much so I could not tolerate more than a few moments of The Village and Lady. And I'll watch "bad" flick for the fun of it...as long as they're SO bad it's untolerable. That's where I put Shyamalan's drudge, in the untolerable range. So I REAAAAALLLY didn't want to see this film, much more so than Transformers.

Enough of the setup, now for the meat of the post. In my wildest dreams I could not have fathomed a movie this putrid would get made. It's fucking HORRIBLE in every sense of the word. You will be shocked at how amazingly horrible this film is. Writing, directing, acting........nothing is better than completely horrible. The twist? Holy fuck, they gave that away in the first 10 minutes....and it's probably the stupidest twist in movie history.

I don't care if you have a woman who's willing to blow you for 3 hours straight, it's not worth seeing this film. Go see Sex and the City instead, it'll earn ya more currency with the chick and will be about 1000 times less painful than this piece of shit. Do not pay to see this film in any way, do not download it, do not even stop at a channel that's showing it on TV for free unless it's on commercial. It's MUCH, MUCH worse that you think is possible.

I know a lot of you are probably thinking to yourself "wow, if Zeus hates it THIS much it's gotta be good" or "it sounds so bad, I gotta see for myself just how bad it is". The answer both of those is "FUCK NO!". I've broken my silence to try and help you guys out, this isn't something I would do frivolously.

At least I can say I tried

are there spoilers in there? I started reading, then stopped because I feared spoilers.

Zeus wrote:I am breaking my self-imposed ban on movie reviews because I want everyone here to avoid the suffereing my wife put me through this past week. Forget the juvenile "Zeus' tastes in movies" suck thing you guys have stuck in your heads and just listen. It's for your own good.

Sometimes you have weird tastes in movies, but I think we can all 100% agree on what you have to say on M. Night.

Wow...it really is that bad. I thought the Village was really bad, and I didn't even see the first part of it. (I just saw the last part of it, and gagged. Also, Ebert's review of The Village is the single funniest piece of literature in the last 10 years.)

That reminds me. Maybe I should see the reviews for this movie:

Ebert gave this three stars? WTF? The guy hated The Village, so why give the man any credit? Okay, Dave White (one of my favs) gave it a C-. (But, he really liked The Village? WTF?) Oh, here's a good review:

http://www.collider.com/entertainment/r ... 903/tcid/1

bovine wrote:are there spoilers in there? I started reading, then stopped because I feared spoilers.

If I gave you the spoilers to The Village or Signs, would you cry? Why do you not want to be spoiled in a M. Night movie? Have you been tortured enough by the man, or are you into that sort of S&M treatment on the brain?

Actually, I want to know what the "twist" is in this movie. I think every time he's trying to insult his audience even more with the "It's a twist" twist that gets more and more cliched (or just plain stupid).

I've only seen 6th sense, so I'm not tired of his shtick yet.

Oh, okay. Unbreakable was good, but yes, after that, it was total shit. And it's not really about it being "tired", but just that the acting quality is totally downhill, stories are pure shit, and the twists make you want to angrily demand your money back. If I saw Signs as his first movie, I would still be insulted by the ending. (Yes, I did see that piece of shit in theaters.) Same with The Village.

Also, since I mentioned it:

The Ebert review of The Village

I don't care how bad this movie is. Battlefield Earth is worse.

Oracle wrote:I don't care how bad this movie is. Battlefield Earth is worse.

Fine, but you can still laugh at how bad Battlefield Earth is. It's like a techie laughing at Hackers. (Okay, maybe not that enjoyable of bad, but still.)

After all, how can you not laugh at how fucking stupid the costumes look? I seriously think that Scientology has made him so brain damaged that he can take on roles like playing a fucking woman in a fat suit (Hairspray).

Now I really want to see it lol

I already read the spoiler. It really is that stupid. But, I have a feeling that reading it isn't the same as "watching" how stupid it is. One of the reviews I read tried to capture that, but it's just one of those things that you would laugh at, if you didn't realize that you just wasted $20 and 2 hours on the movie.

SineSwiper wrote:Oh, okay. Unbreakable was good, but yes, after that, it was total shit.

I really liked Unbreakable... but as far as I can remember that contained NO twists, right? Eh... I guess it KINDA did now that I think of it, but it was nothing on the scale of his other films. They were normal twists like in Fight Club or Memento, etc... not The Village or Lady in the Water, etc.

I never bothered to see Lady in the Water, although a friend mentioned The Happening was good, so who knows. I doubt it though. I LOVE movies with twists... but if your movie is not worth seeing after already knowing what happens then it's not a movie ever worth seeing.

Wasn't Unbreakable the movie that caused you to break down into tears, Tessian? I recall mocking you for that. haha

I did not like Unbreakable. I really liked the Sixth Sense. The Village was just ok. Signs was also just ok. Never saw the others.

Tessian wrote:but if your movie is not worth seeing after already knowing what happens then it's not a movie ever worth seeing.

You mean like the Blairwitch Project?

It gets to the point where you really only wanna see his movies to see what the twist is.

I said this in the hulk thread....holy fuck that movie blew every kind of ass imaginable....

One of the guys I work with has seen it and really likes it. I told him how I heard it was really bad, and how RottenTomatoes.com gave it a 21%. He said, well Roger Ebert gave it a good review. *sigh* He also liked his other movies.

bovine wrote:are there spoilers in there? I started reading, then stopped because I feared spoilers.

No spoilers on purpose just in case you have a lapse of sanity and decide to watch this drudge

Oracle wrote:I don't care how bad this movie is. Battlefield Earth is worse.

Ooo, that's a close one. But I have to give the edge to The Crappening as the worst film I"ve ever seen. At least Battlefield Earth had, at the time, decent effects. That's one good thing you could say about that film. YOu can't say the same about this atrocity

Tessian wrote:

SineSwiper wrote:Oh, okay. Unbreakable was good, but yes, after that, it was total shit.

I really liked Unbreakable... but as far as I can remember that contained NO twists, right? Eh... I guess it KINDA did now that I think of it, but it was nothing on the scale of his other films. They were normal twists like in Fight Club or Memento, etc... not The Village or Lady in the Water, etc.

I never bothered to see Lady in the Water, although a friend mentioned The Happening was good, so who knows. I doubt it though. I LOVE movies with twists... but if your movie is not worth seeing after already knowing what happens then it's not a movie ever worth seeing.

The twist in Unbreakable was the ending. That's what saved the film from mediocrity

THere's a twist all right.....but it FUCKING SUCKS and you can guess what it is anywhere between 2-10 minutes into the flick

As far as I can tell, there isn't much of a spoiler in this movie. You know about the toxin within the first 10 minutes. It's that "other thing" that is kept until the end, and it's really stupid.

SPOILERS FOR THE HAPPENING

Isn't the twist that, the whole time, it was just the plants killing everybody?

END SPOILERS

SPOILERS

Yes...it's the plants defending themselves. Anytime there are too many humans together, the plants release the toxin.

END SPOILERS

Zeus wrote:

Tessian wrote:

SineSwiper wrote:Oh, okay. Unbreakable was good, but yes, after that, it was total shit.

I really liked Unbreakable... but as far as I can remember that contained NO twists, right? Eh... I guess it KINDA did now that I think of it, but it was nothing on the scale of his other films. They were normal twists like in Fight Club or Memento, etc... not The Village or Lady in the Water, etc.

I never bothered to see Lady in the Water, although a friend mentioned The Happening was good, so who knows. I doubt it though. I LOVE movies with twists... but if your movie is not worth seeing after already knowing what happens then it's not a movie ever worth seeing.

The twist in Unbreakable was the ending. That's what saved the film from mediocrity

THere's a twist all right.....but it FUCKING SUCKS and you can guess what it is anywhere between 2-10 minutes into the flick

it was the only one that actually suprised me...I liked Mr. Glass.... but on the topic of that movie....it's what depresses me about all his other flicks. because unbreakable was brillinatly framed. everything was sht from angles that you see in comic books rather than movies. it was a comic book come to life and done quite brilliantly. God it's sad to see just how bad he's gotten

Unbreakable sucked. It's the one film I've seen in the cinema that I actually wanted to walk out of, and I have seen some pretty terrible films.

Man, some varied opinions on even his first two movies. Then again, I hated Usual Suspects.

Of course, people who say they like Signs or The Village or any of his other later movies, are just fooling themselves into a pattern of the abused housewife:

"But, he made The Sixth Sense!"
*BAM*
"And Unbreakable was good, too! Oww, stop punching me!"

Chris wrote:

Zeus wrote:

Tessian wrote: I really liked Unbreakable... but as far as I can remember that contained NO twists, right? Eh... I guess it KINDA did now that I think of it, but it was nothing on the scale of his other films. They were normal twists like in Fight Club or Memento, etc... not The Village or Lady in the Water, etc.

I never bothered to see Lady in the Water, although a friend mentioned The Happening was good, so who knows. I doubt it though. I LOVE movies with twists... but if your movie is not worth seeing after already knowing what happens then it's not a movie ever worth seeing.

The twist in Unbreakable was the ending. That's what saved the film from mediocrity

THere's a twist all right.....but it FUCKING SUCKS and you can guess what it is anywhere between 2-10 minutes into the flick

it was the only one that actually suprised me...I liked Mr. Glass.... but on the topic of that movie....it's what depresses me about all his other flicks. because unbreakable was brillinatly framed. everything was sht from angles that you see in comic books rather than movies. it was a comic book come to life and done quite brilliantly. God it's sad to see just how bad he's gotten

See, we can agree on films :-)

SineSwiper wrote:Then again, I hated Usual Suspects.

Get out of this house.

Kupek wrote:Get out of this house.

Why? Why was it good? The story and stuff was good, but when you got to the ending, it was like "Well, how the fuck was I supposed to figure that out?" Good twists (like Sixth Sense) give you clues that it could be this, but it felt like a tacked-on and gimmicky ending.

Maybe it was the fact that I watched it about 5 years too late, and everybody was saying "it's got a twist, it's got a twist" beforehand. So I see the twist and think "Yeah, okay, whatever."

SineSwiper wrote:

Kupek wrote:Get out of this house.

Why? Why was it good? The story and stuff was good, but when you got to the ending, it was like "Well, how the fuck was I supposed to figure that out?" Good twists (like Sixth Sense) give you clues that it could be this, but it felt like a tacked-on and gimmicky ending.

Maybe it was the fact that I watched it about 5 years too late, and everybody was saying "it's got a twist, it's got a twist" beforehand. So I see the twist and think "Yeah, okay, whatever."

Whether you figure the twist out or not (I got it about 5 minutes beforehand) it's still a great flick. Good acting, good story, well presented..it's a blast to watch