<div style='font: 11pt "Comic Sans MS"; text-align: left; '>Fucking shit. Thsi game is cool, but it's also a rental. if you have to buy it, don't pay more than $30.
I just picked up this game for the XBox and while it's ultra cool as fucking shit, it's got two intermediate problems. One, the stages are too fucking big: the first stage (not the training stage, but the actual first stage with Nazis and shit) is a monstrosity. This is an action game that sometimes wants to be a platformer; now, I'm down with hacking the shit out of Nazis and shit, but the phase in between Nazi-hacking and demon killing needs to be two seperate stages because the game goes totally apeshit once the demons start coming in. Gone are the nicely-crafted tight FPS-esque stages that are relatively easy to follow, and hello are the big fucking caves where it's so easy to get lost - I mean, I spent at least two hours wondering where the hell I was, and because <I>the game has no three-dimensional map to follow</I>, it's extremely easy to get lost. Bloodrayne plays a lot like Tomb Raider or Soul Reaver, but a character like Bloodrayne does not play well in these sorts of games: she plays best in madly violent settings like Halo, Serious Sam, Quake II, and Wolfenstein 3D. You want to throw a shitload of enemies at this girl with very minimal amounts of thought into crap like jumping, puzzles, or finding keys.
Unfortunately, someone at QA was on crack and demanded that this Bruce Lee with fangs and breasts in a tight leather corset must be in a game with a lot of jumping because apparently that's what all M-Rated games need, more fucking platforms. Did I mention the game tries too hard to be a platformer at certain stages in the game, like the ones you want to be over with? It's like I'm just fucking the shit out of Nazis - this is what I bought the game for, this is the best part - then it slips into the platformer bullshit - this is NOT what I bought the game for because a little platforming an action game is cool - the guys who did Splinter Cell recognize this - a little platforming is cool because it calms the nerves a bit, and a lot of platforming in a platformer is really cool, but too much platforming and not enough action in a game that isn't a platformer but an action game is like sticking an eggbeater into your eyesockets, especially when the main character has so much potential.
OK, stages too large, no 3-D maps. No compass. That kills the action part really fast, when it's so easy to get lost and wander around in an empty cave for an hour.
Now for the cool parts. Your character is an ultra-sezzy, ultra-kickass, busty, half-vampire, martial artist redhead with big fucking knives. Think something like a combination of Tomb Raider and Soul Reaver, then add in shit like Max Payne's bullet time, a sniper scope, Scorpion's spear, and extremely sexualized bloodsucking. I shit you not, it's literally impossible for your character to get dropped once you get the hang of her since everything she hurts is a potential body shield and food source (just stay out of water). And with the bullet time, she can dodge just about anything in the game because the shit can be used for the entire game. <I>Bullet time for an entire stage.</I> Ouch. Bloodrayne is extremely hard to kill. This explains why the game throws waves of Nazis at you, but again, the more to kill and feed upon. Cool character, cool game, and cool moments, but there are far more shitty moments than cool moments (at least it seems like it), and the more you play through the shitty moments, the more you wonder why the game didn't have more cool-as-fuck moments in it.
SPOILER:
<font color=black>The last boss is a pain in the fucking ass. The purpose of a good last boss is to force a player to utilize all the skills he's learned in the game thus far, but to do so in a way that it's never too easy. This guy isn't even close to being "hard," he's just cheap as shit. Here's the fucked-up part about the last boss: you need guns to kill him and you need to hit him in the chest area only, but the guns are also being taken by another boss character who is trying to kill the last boss <I>and</I> you at the same time. OK, <I>a</I> gun respawns every 60 seconds, so hope to God you get it before the other guy does because the fucker cannot be struck by melee attacks. Again, <I>the last boss cannot be hit by melee attacks</I>, the same attacks you used for 80% of the game because it was so easy to burn through ammo. All you can do is wait for those guns to respawn every minute and hope you can use your sniper sight fast enough to get a chest shot - and yes, you must hit him from the front.
Oh, did I mention the last boss is on a timer?</font></div>
I just picked up this game for the XBox and while it's ultra cool as fucking shit, it's got two intermediate problems. One, the stages are too fucking big: the first stage (not the training stage, but the actual first stage with Nazis and shit) is a monstrosity. This is an action game that sometimes wants to be a platformer; now, I'm down with hacking the shit out of Nazis and shit, but the phase in between Nazi-hacking and demon killing needs to be two seperate stages because the game goes totally apeshit once the demons start coming in. Gone are the nicely-crafted tight FPS-esque stages that are relatively easy to follow, and hello are the big fucking caves where it's so easy to get lost - I mean, I spent at least two hours wondering where the hell I was, and because <I>the game has no three-dimensional map to follow</I>, it's extremely easy to get lost. Bloodrayne plays a lot like Tomb Raider or Soul Reaver, but a character like Bloodrayne does not play well in these sorts of games: she plays best in madly violent settings like Halo, Serious Sam, Quake II, and Wolfenstein 3D. You want to throw a shitload of enemies at this girl with very minimal amounts of thought into crap like jumping, puzzles, or finding keys.
Unfortunately, someone at QA was on crack and demanded that this Bruce Lee with fangs and breasts in a tight leather corset must be in a game with a lot of jumping because apparently that's what all M-Rated games need, more fucking platforms. Did I mention the game tries too hard to be a platformer at certain stages in the game, like the ones you want to be over with? It's like I'm just fucking the shit out of Nazis - this is what I bought the game for, this is the best part - then it slips into the platformer bullshit - this is NOT what I bought the game for because a little platforming an action game is cool - the guys who did Splinter Cell recognize this - a little platforming is cool because it calms the nerves a bit, and a lot of platforming in a platformer is really cool, but too much platforming and not enough action in a game that isn't a platformer but an action game is like sticking an eggbeater into your eyesockets, especially when the main character has so much potential.
OK, stages too large, no 3-D maps. No compass. That kills the action part really fast, when it's so easy to get lost and wander around in an empty cave for an hour.
Now for the cool parts. Your character is an ultra-sezzy, ultra-kickass, busty, half-vampire, martial artist redhead with big fucking knives. Think something like a combination of Tomb Raider and Soul Reaver, then add in shit like Max Payne's bullet time, a sniper scope, Scorpion's spear, and extremely sexualized bloodsucking. I shit you not, it's literally impossible for your character to get dropped once you get the hang of her since everything she hurts is a potential body shield and food source (just stay out of water). And with the bullet time, she can dodge just about anything in the game because the shit can be used for the entire game. <I>Bullet time for an entire stage.</I> Ouch. Bloodrayne is extremely hard to kill. This explains why the game throws waves of Nazis at you, but again, the more to kill and feed upon. Cool character, cool game, and cool moments, but there are far more shitty moments than cool moments (at least it seems like it), and the more you play through the shitty moments, the more you wonder why the game didn't have more cool-as-fuck moments in it.
SPOILER:
<font color=black>The last boss is a pain in the fucking ass. The purpose of a good last boss is to force a player to utilize all the skills he's learned in the game thus far, but to do so in a way that it's never too easy. This guy isn't even close to being "hard," he's just cheap as shit. Here's the fucked-up part about the last boss: you need guns to kill him and you need to hit him in the chest area only, but the guns are also being taken by another boss character who is trying to kill the last boss <I>and</I> you at the same time. OK, <I>a</I> gun respawns every 60 seconds, so hope to God you get it before the other guy does because the fucker cannot be struck by melee attacks. Again, <I>the last boss cannot be hit by melee attacks</I>, the same attacks you used for 80% of the game because it was so easy to burn through ammo. All you can do is wait for those guns to respawn every minute and hope you can use your sniper sight fast enough to get a chest shot - and yes, you must hit him from the front.
Oh, did I mention the last boss is on a timer?</font></div>
-<br><FONT SIZE="1">The most dangerous man, to any government, is the man who is able to think things out for himself, without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane and intolerable and so, if he is romantic, he tries to change it. And even if he is not a romantic personally he is very apt to spread discontent among those who are.<p><B>- H.L. Mencken</B></FONT>
