Three month synopsis...

[Imakeholesinu]

Disclaimer, I'm wasted I admit it. I'm doing this for my own benifit here.

I e-mailed the ex at the end of october begging, no pleading with her to reconcile our differences but was met with the cold "don't talk to me anymore" answer. For a time, towards the end of october, met a girl and saw her for about 2 weeks before I realized her problems were much deeper and more complicated than my own. Knowing that there was simply no way to support her mentally and emotionally in my weakend state I bailed at the beginning of November.

November was an OK month I guess. Booked tickets to Chi town, didn't talk to the ex (though I didn't sleep very well at all because of either the weather change or stress, possibly both) since the final e-mail and broke off the semi relationship with said girl. Not going to lie, I desperately attempted to find a girl before the holidays to at least not feel so alone but failed. Perhaps because of my brash attitude right now or maybe I'm more of an asshole than I lead on to be.

December rolls around, and it finally gets cold. I watch as one of my friends finds a new boyfriend while another gets engaged unexpectedly. This makes me the 9th wheel in my circle of friends now. I'm the only single person left and I am, for lack of a better adjective, miserable. I wish I was not so jealous of my friends, but I guess that goes in the party of being a cancer. I got two numbers in December from girls I met at bars which didn't pan out at all.

January january, january...I want to forget how this month even started almost. First I run into a guy from my grade school past whom I had problems with in all places, the place where I was vacationing at. Secondly, my brother's ex-girlfriend's sister approaches me at the same time I'm having a conversation with said grade school person AT THE SAME DAMN PARTY. I listened to jazz the rest of the night which was great and heard a shit load of from my friends for not attending the count down with them. (The jazz was low key and very pleasant, needless to say I had a great time.)

I get home from Chi-town and check the myspace and who fucking messages me? The girl i made out with TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO on new years. Needless to say this bitch put me through hell because 1) she was older than i was 2) she wasn't going to school 3) I was totally willing to do the distance thing just like with my ex but with her and she wouldn't pull it off. Later she reveals to me that she and her current boyfriend (now ex) are in a loveless relationship. Who calls a person out of the blue, WHO FUCKING STOPPED CALLING YOU IN THE FUCKING FIRST PLACE, to talk about that while drinking captain and diet? Uhh, not me (even if I did watch "The last kiss" a week before [thanks Target!]).

This all brings me to tonight where I met with my friends, my best friend who is getting married in approximately 11 months and we discussed said New Years incident with said persons then I went to the bar and actually met her, flirted heavily with her, with the same response as before (but on the phone she seemed more receptive) and was shot down yet again. I'm not trying to force something here but shit me, you would think I could catch a break somewhere down the line so at least I could get some sort of satisfaction from the effort I'm putting in. (yes, I mean SEX).

So now, I write to you all, in my self-loathing drunken stuper, ready for the bed that awaits me. No text messages tonight will change my opinion which I have expressed in this mini-memouir. The Blues also lost a heart breaker to Nashville....so I'm a bit depressed at that as well.

Do I fly in the holding pattern, or do I need to adjust my course? Is there a navigator on call?

A little detail may help, I want a monogomous relationship that could eventually lead to an elongated commitment (marriage) if I've met the correct person. This is to avoid Seeker's typical answer of "Women are bitches that will turn on you in a heart beat." No shit, but I'm trying to find a real woman, not just the $50 whore on a Toronto street cornor.

Thank's for reading.

[Zeus]

My honest opinion? Don't focus so much on it. The rollercoaster of emotions is due to your strong focus on being in a relationship at all times. There's nothing wrong with not being in a relationship for a bit. Just let it happen, don't make it your sole reason for being to be in a relationship. I wasn't even looking when I got into mine, I was just havin' fun in uni. And I ended up marrying her. Those are often the best relationships, the ones where it just happens where you don't have one side needing to be in a relationship.

[Julius Seeker]

Barrett, I'll read that later today, my reading isn't exactly the most excellent at this particular point in time. Since we're on the topic of last three months. Lets just say mine have involved variety and lots of it. I railed my lowsy roommates #1 crush, all night long.. We kicked him out of the house recently (the guy who wouldn't let me play FF12 until he finished, MY FF12, and always takes up the living room). After her I went on a pub crawl and met like 4 or 5 new girls there, and somehow my hand ended up in ones panties, I didn't get any climactic action that night, but the next night I railed her and made her scream; her boyfriend broke up with her the next day, but since he was an acquantence, we became friends again later, and now just make fun of her behind her back. Then I hooked up with a girl who I met at a New Years party last year, that was also short; she didn't want to date me, and ended up calling me an asshole due to her PMS. During this time, I am occaisionally sleeping with my back-up plan, who is one of my female roommates. My friends hook me up with a girl who would supposedly be "good" for me, she was kind of nice, but not so much my type; she was way too emotional and stuff, it didn't end up going anywhere.

So the real funny story comes down when my brother was coming up for a visit; he had met this girl online and wanted to hook up with her. He calls her when he gets here she asks "you aren't Melanie's ex are you?" (lets just say his ex girlfriend spread some negativity around about him; and it was TOTALLY fucked up that they happened to know each other... but it gets fucking better.) and of course, he says no, but she finds out anyways, and now she's pissed at him. The day after, I am drunk as fuck, I get kicked out of the bar, and I bump into a girl that I knew and brought her home, my brother was still there, and anyways, as it turns out; the girl I brought home was best friends with the girl that my brother tried to hook up with. This is like that one in 10 million stuff. Anyways, the girl I hooked up with was kind of cool, she was into poetry and stuff, but eventually she just turned out to be a big waste of money, we broke up New Years Eve! Though I met the girl next door that same night, and am currently dating her. I LOVE IT when I asked her to go out to the bars and she says "I am only 18!" LOVE IT!!!!! =)

That's my last three months as far as girls go. Some other things that happened were like the day before yesterday, an SUV was driving by and all in it were all dressed up in white shirts and ties; they say something along the lines of "Hey, are you in a hurry," I am walking along and say to them "no, not really," wondering what the hell these guys in shirts and ties want with me. "Well we have a pamphlet here for a new testament," and I am taken completely stunned for a moment, "a new testament?" I say enthusiasticly, and they're like "yeah!" and extend a hand with a pamphlet in it; I grab it from them really really quickly, and yell out, "SWEET!" and they are so fucking excited now, I look at it for about two seconds then yell out, "YES!!" and they had NO idea that I was just fucking around with them. As far as last night goes, I got fucking hammered, I even started going home with this girl, and I came to my senses, and then I ran off from her; bumped into some friends that I hadn't seen in a couple of years, went back to their place, and got trashed. I got a few phone calls, mostly from people I was with from the party earlier wondering where the fuck I went, so, they're all girls; bring them down to my friends place..... We stopped partying about 4 hours ago. This is probably day 9 out of 10 that I have been drinking on; I had a good week... Especially since I have had Wii for almost ALL those days. I got a Wii, that is important too. Wii, Wine, whiskey, and Women, the Four great W's.

In much more decent and tasteful news, I am getting another house at the end of the summer; nice neighbourhood too. Though I won't be living in it at all, since it is in a new subdivision close to the business district I am having it set up for rent.

So yeah, I meant to keep this brief, but oh well. I'm heading back to sleep.

[Nev]

Who cares if you're in a relationship or not?

I understand the whole loneliness thing, Barret, but you can't let it get to you to this extent.

I'm 27. I've been in two relationships - one of which lasted two months if I'm being generous, and the other one for about a week, if that. Coupled with a reasonably awesome two-night stand after college and a one-night stand during it, that represents the sum total of my romantic experience with women. Two or three years ago, I would have been despondent over my lack of experience. Now, I just don't give a fuck. Even a little bit.

Relationships can be great. Very few of them are charmed enough to be a balm or salve for your entire life, all the time. And "single" does not have to mean "miserable". Some people stay single their entire lives - and live them far more happily than many people in relationships. We tend to have this thing in America where if you're not in a relationship, you're supposed to be unhappy or lonely or something, which is retarded and stereotyping nonsense. Honestly, I am so happy these days with my life, and I am so completely unattached - no fuckbuddy, even. You don't need a relationship to be happy, and I tend to agree that some of the best relationships are the ones where both parties are perfectly capable of being happy on their own, but choose to be together anyway - point being, shooting to be happy whether you're in a relationship or not is, I think, one of the best goals we can all shoot for.

Anyway, just my two cents.

[Julius Seeker]

This is to avoid Seeker's typical answer of "Women are bitches that will turn on you in a heart beat." No shit, but I'm trying to find a real woman, not just the $50 whore on a Toronto street cornor.

Thank's for reading.

No! That is not what I say at all! You got me all wrong! Women are all independent with independent personalities. The only thing they have in common is that while us as guys LOVE to brag, and have no problems being bragged too (we can hold a conversation of pure bragging for hours, and have a great time), women are the opposite. Instead of bragging, women love to whine, WHINE WHINE WHINE! That's why relationships are bad. Bad bad bad!

Anyways, there is no reason why you should be miserable from being single. In all seriousness, there are few more enjoyable things in this world than fucking a woman you have not already fucked. As far as relationships go, three months is a good time period. The initial sex is fun, because it's original, after a while when you get to know her body better and she gets to know yours, it can be more pleasureful. Then it gets tiring, its time to pick up and move on. Seriously, the only real benefit a female has to a male is that you can fuck 'em. Other than that, she's just another human being, who will probably whine. Actually, I exagerate, it seems to be only the girls I date and/or live with really whine a lot, most of my female friends are great.

One other thing I have learned, women don't mind if you treat other women badly; just so long as the one you treated badly does not speak badly about you to other women. Though even so, women have this thing where "Well, I really just have to make sure he is a bastard," and they'll fuck you to make sure. It might be that they find out they are making a mistake, but you still got laid, and that's the bottom line of the whole deal.

On relationships though, long ones, I was in a particularly long one before, over four years, I was engaged, had a lot going for me. Honestly though, the last two years were a nightmare, we were split up most of the time, I had to fly all the way to fucking South Korea (this was when we broke up, it felt like such a waste of cash; though I knew it was over then, I guess I just wanted to see her when we did break up). I loved her from time to time, I really did, even in the last of it we still had a few moments of love, and I still am great friends with her parents, but the relationship sucked! That was my experience of a long term relationship. I went a little wild afterwards.... and things have pretty much just got worse =P

I'm still clean baby!

All in all, I have become the "I keep getting older, but they still stay 18" guy. There really isn't anything better for a man in his mid-20's to be doing.

It's all about the mojo, enjoy your life and life will enjoy you, and you will enjoy that!

[Kupek]

You're a walking stereotype. It's like you were plucked right out of a bad sitcom.

[Flip]

No kidding... all guys like to brag? Er, you like to brag, your friends may like to brag, but most normal guys looking for good relationships call that small group assholes.

All women whine? Er, maybe all bar sluts or 18 y/o whine, but most normal women who have a good head on their shoulders, work a full time job, and have a tame social life as befits them do not. They would call that smal group immature.

[Nev]

You're a walking stereotype. It's like you were plucked right out of a bad sitcom.

Yeah, no kidding.

Barret, do not under any circumstances take advice from Seeker, except for that last line which I do sort of agree with.

Enjoy your life, and it *will* enjoy you, and you will most likely enjoy that. This doesn't necessarily have to mean following Seeker's triple-F policy (find, fuck, forget), but if that works for you, go for it. If it means going celibate, go for that instead. If it means just keeping the faith until you find the next woman who's going to be the love of your life, go for that instead...and so on.

The catchphrase that's relevant here is "Whatever works."

[Julius Seeker]

But I'm only interested in hot chicks, not the homely ones that you consider "normal" Flip:

Like these ones - http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... 2021582852

And Barret, you can listen to me or Flip and Nev, ask yourself which one of us is the happier person? I might be the biggest asshole of all the people here, but I'm honest and cheerful. Nev is Emo, and Flip runs away from home now and then. =P

[Imakeholesinu]

And Barret, you can listen to me or Flip and Nev, ask yourself which one of us is the happier person? I might be the biggest asshole of all the people here, but I'm honest and cheerful. Nev is Emo, and Flip runs away from home now and then. =P

I'm sorry guys, I've gotta go with Seek in this one. Yeah you may be a prick to every peice of tang that has no sense not to flop down in your lap, but at least you're happy and you can accept yourself for who you are. I guess that's what I've gotta find first, who I am and what I'm all about (aboot for you canadian fellows).

Though, in their defense, Nev maybe "Emo" but he doesn't let life get him down. He has sticky and I have booze so we both know how to get rid of stress or the remainders of what some people nickname "Jiminy Cricket" without losing our morals for more than a bad night. Also, he's got a good heart for keeping the fucks that screwed him over around as long as he did and for not beating the shit out of that homeless crack head.

Flip got a bit to absorbed into something he didn't want and lost something very dear to him and is on the road to hopefully winning that back. I admire him for realizing that he did fall flat on his face and is picking up the pieces to his life and hopefully will be able to go home someday. (If things have changed let me know.)

My point is, both of these guys were happy at somepoint too Seek, but you can't always be on cloud 9.

Where am I? Sitting at home and thinking about how I let booze get the better of me again during this weekends escapades. I've once again cut off communication with the girl from 2 1/2 years ago in a very condecending rant in a myspace message (god I feel like such a fucking highschooler but hey, booze makes it ok to do) so I'm back where I was just about 2 year ago, minus the getting over mono and worrying about college, now my biggest fears are if I'm going to make enough pay off my credit card debt before may (my new years resolution) and can I get this implimentation of a completely Virtual enviornment in our test lab finished so I can polish it onto the resume and have it out the door by the end of January? Oh, and was there a mouse in my bed last night while I was dreaming about Natsumi's cats on the bed and how I used to get so pissed at them for being in the room. I've got to start sleeping more than 3 hours and then up for 2 and then 3 hours of sleep and then up for an hour before the alarm goes off and then hitting the snooze button 3 times before I get up and realize I have nothing to wear because I've blown off laundry because I'm a lazy fuck.

This month's credit card statement says "Progress" while next month's phone bill says "Text Messaging". Fucking women.

[Flip]

But I'm only interested in hot chicks, not the homely ones that you consider "normal" Flip:

Like these ones - http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... 2021582852

And Barret, you can listen to me or Flip and Nev, ask yourself which one of us is the happier person? I might be the biggest asshole of all the people here, but I'm honest and cheerful. Nev is Emo, and Flip runs away from home now and then. =P

Cheap shot, but i can let it slide because im a pretty carefree person, too.

Who is happier is how this is decided? Serial killers all seem pretty pleased with themselves, maybe they have the perfect lives? Id have to say that even with things the way they are (brief summary: living with friends, have talked to Kim, still have not seen Kim, am doing well at my job, have a newfound like for my career, am denied access to my dogs and house) that i am a pretty happy person, i'll speak for nev and say he probably is too. Do i think i can be happier? Sure, i have goals and dreams and want to work toward them. I've learned a lot about myself and other people through all this and think it is good for me. I hope you dont think you have hit your peak, Seek, because that is something to pity. Also, we all define happiness in a different way. I dont think treating people like dirt would make me happy. I did, and it didnt. Sometimes, i worry for you, Seeker... honestly.

[Julius Seeker]

But I'm only interested in hot chicks, not the homely ones that you consider "normal" Flip:

Like these ones - http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... 2021582852

And Barret, you can listen to me or Flip and Nev, ask yourself which one of us is the happier person? I might be the biggest asshole of all the people here, but I'm honest and cheerful. Nev is Emo, and Flip runs away from home now and then. =P

Cheap shot, but i can let it slide because im a pretty carefree person, too.

Who is happier is how this is decided? Serial killers all seem pretty pleased with themselves, maybe they have the perfect lives? Id have to say that even with things the way they are (brief summary: living with friends, have talked to Kim, still have not seen Kim, am doing well at my job, have a newfound like for my career, am denied access to my dogs and house) that i am a pretty happy person, i'll speak for nev and say he probably is too. Do i think i can be happier? Sure, i have goals and dreams and want to work toward them. I've learned a lot about myself and other people through all this and think it is good for me. I hope you dont think you have hit your peak, Seek, because that is something to pity. Also, we all define happiness in a different way. I dont think treating people like dirt would make me happy. I did, and it didnt. Sometimes, i worry for you, Seeker... honestly.

Few things, I am neither a breaker of laws nor do I treat people like dirt. I probably treat people a hell of a lot better than you do =P

I also am not even focussed on whether this is the peak of my life or not, I won't even know that until later, it's irrelivant to me; all I know is that I love life =)

I have goals as well, but I don't dwell upon them, I live life for the day that is today. I live for the ride, not the destination, the destination is just part of this ongoing journey that I love taking. You can feel sorry for me all you want, have a cookie, some ice cream, and a glass of milk! Oh, and you think Nev is happy? Jesus man, have you taken a LOOK at his posts and actions lately? The dude is fucking nuts! =P

[Flip]

nor do I treat people like dirt

"One other thing I have learned, women don't mind if you treat other women badly; just so long as the one you treated badly does not speak badly about you to other women."

I think this statement alone shows you are delusional. In one breath you say you treat women badly, then in another you say you dont treat people like dirt... You need to learn to make up your mind and stand by an opinion instead of immediately denying any attack on you. You get caught in these traps more often than anyone i have ever had the pleasure of meeting, then continue to deny it, which i fully expect to see soon. You've had one major crash in your two year relationship breakup and are in for another when you finally realize you are kidding yourself with your outlook on life.

If you truly are happy, then good for you, but i dont think you are and are too afraid to admit any weakness. *shrug*

[Julius Seeker]

nor do I treat people like dirt

"One other thing I have learned, women don't mind if you treat other women badly; just so long as the one you treated badly does not speak badly about you to other women."

I think this statement alone shows you are delusional. In one breath you say you treat women badly, then in another you say you dont treat people like dirt... You need to learn to make up your mind and stand by an opinion instead of immediately denying any attack on you. You get caught in these traps more often than anyone i have ever had the pleasure of meeting, then continue to deny it, which i fully expect to see soon. You've had one major crash in your two year relationship breakup and are in for another when you finally realize you are kidding yourself with your outlook on life.

If you truly are happy, then good for you, but i dont think you are and are too afraid to admit any weakness. *shrug*

This begs the question of whether women should be considered people or not?

Haha, just joking.

Seriously, there is a LARGE gap between simply treating a woman (with who you are involved with in an unserious sexual relationship) badly and treating people like dirt; let alone treating a woman you are sexually involved with like dirt (something else which I have never done; treating a women like dirt is something that wife-beaters do).

Also, you have it completely backwards, my mistake back then was staying in the relationship as long as I did. I mean, I was relatively content with the way things were in the relationship, but I wasn't living up to my potential. I don't regret it, I am still good friends with the rest of Vanessa's family, we even exchanged christmas gifts and cards this year (and Vanessa and I have not been together in years now). It felt really good to get out of the relationship, I hardly view that as a "crash" =P

Also, if you don't like my outlook on life, that's your problem dude. I don't care, but if you are asking for my opinion on your views, I just simply feel you are unenlightened and trapped inside of beliefs. Rather than being yourself, you choose to live with expectations, goals, rules, the myth of progress, beliefs on how things need to be, and all that shit. I prefer not to put those burdens on myself. It just seems relatively stupid and pointless to me to put limitations on life. =P

You're a Nietzschean camel, with an ego burdened by a super-ego full of crap that you think is normal. You have to enlighten yourself, shed yourself of belief. You'll see my point of view eventually, and realize that it is not really as bad as you might imagine; in fact, you might feel as though you are waking up for the first time in years (American Beauty, I definately recommend watching it). Read Nietzsche (Most notably The Genealogy of Morals and Thus Spoke Zarathustra), one of the wisest people to have ever lived; well in my opinion, but I guess according to you I don't know what I am talking about, so I don't expect you to take any of my advice.

Barret, on the otherhand, feel free to do so. As far as you know you may find out I am very right, or wrong. Read the chapter on Metamorphosis in Also Sprach Zarathustra, you don't have to believe it, or anything, but it is worth checking out in case you find something valuable.

[Flip]

I hardly view that as a "crash" =P

"Honestly though, the last two years were a nightmare"



Now am i going to hear the differences between what a crash and nightmare are? You're not a walking sterotype, you're a walking contradiction.

You're still rebounding hard from a broken engagement, i understand, even if you dont yet.

EDIT:: Added thought. Seeker, you went from a long term relationship and med school to working in a bar and player. You are obviously confused as to what you want and thats ok to admit, it happens to everyone. Your 'living for the now' attitude is working out alright for you because it is the exact opposite of what you were, but you're young and will figure things out in time. I refuse to believe, though, that this is what you were achieving for. Maybe i'm wrong.

[Julius Seeker]

I hardly view that as a "crash" =P

"Honestly though, the last two years were a nightmare"

The relationship was a nightmare, the break up was hopping up to relationship freedom, hardly a crash =P

And I am not confused at all about what I want. I simply just changed my mind a while ago. I had specific reasons for wanting to go to med school before, those reasons are no longer significant. If I want to go in the future, then I will go; right now I am doing Island Studies, and that is opening up more gates for me, plus I am enjoying it.

Plus Nev, if you go to Canada, don't waste your time seeking out and murdering Kali, he's a good guy anyways. What you need is to visit this website http://lyla.com/ and get some pussy