RentCavalier wrote:I feel young and tiny, seeing as how you are all going off into the world, and I'm just starting college.
...
Then again, doesn't this mean I'm going to outlive you all?
HA HA! I am DEATH, DESTROYER OF WORLDS!
Wrong, statistics of underage drinkers in college dieing are on the rise. Break out that beer bong and become a stat next quarter!
Just kidding.
If I had any advice for the college freshman here's what I would say...
Year 1,
Hard Alcohol gets you wasted faster and her panties off quicker.
Master the Mixed CD for dorm floor bashes.
Fear and respect your RA.
That cute girl in class may have a boyfriend, but if you see her at a house party without a guy hanging on her, she's fair game.
Hourly jobs are meant only for booze money and condoms, nothing else.
Help out the dumb football player in the slow math class, it pays off in the end.
Start making friends who are going for rich degree fields, IE Business, Pre-Med etc etc.
Find the loop hole in the meal plan.
Start working out regularly.
Year 2
Take classes only pertaining to your Major this year.
Fear and respect your new RA.
Master the art of Pirating Music over the schools network.
Chances are that cute girl from last year might still have her boyfriend, patiently wait and see.
Hourly jobs are for getting yourself ready to start bartending. Work your ass off in the kitchen and let your manager know you want to be moving on up.
Hopefully that dumb football player wasn't injured and you can still hang with him at some parties, don't be offended if he still doesn't know your name.
Join a fraternity this year, Sig Ep is probably the best one to join if you can't help the football player any longer.
Weed out the fake friends and plan for next year's life off campus and legal.
Continue working out.
Hygiene and wardrobe upgrade are in order. (no more old navy. Shop Express, Abercrombie, American Eagle, and/or Pac-Sun and Polo)
Year 3
Put into effect the new hygiene and wardrobe routine.
Finish all classes required by your major this year.
Plan your finances with your roommates.
Fear and respect your Landlord.
Get to know your neighbors, they throw the best parties.
Cute girl from two years ago looks even better than before, she's dropped the dead beat boyfriend and has been getting a bit more side action. You definitely now have a chance to get her back to your room for a private anatomy study session.
Fuck around more, just be sure you are covered with a jimmy hat.
Turn 21.
Your manager should have recognized your willingness to work extra shifts and promoted you. Buy a cheap bartenders guide and practice making cosmos for the girls in the next apartment over.
Year 4
Make resume.
Look for internship during school year or breaks in field you want to pursue.
Evict the roommate with the girlfriend that doesn't like you or your wild ways and replace him with frat buddy.
Bar hop.
Work Thursday and Friday nights, Saturday is your day to get bombed, also best house parties are then and that's the only day the football team can drink after a game.
Work on locking down a girlfriend (if hot class girl is still available).
Consider grad school.
Graduate???
If on 5 year track, move in with friend and repeat all of year 4.
Enjoy college.
"An old man dies, a young girl lives, fair trade." - Bruce Willis from Sin City.
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