Nev wrote:
I don't plan on reading any PMs from you - you abuse the privilege and failed to show any compassion the one time I gave you props on "beating" me and begged you to just leave me alone.
*shrug*
You are pretty adept at running away and hiding from everything else, that you do the same to a PM shouldn't surprise me.
Continue with your attacks kiddo, I don't mind - even though I have yet to attack you, you probably think I did...you have an entertaining way of twisting your views (kinda like how me replying "uh, I didn't hack the board, quit spouting that crazy bullshit" in PMs = "
I gave you props on "beating" me and begged you to just leave me alone and you didn't")
Normally I'd say, 'Hey, whatever helps you sleep at night'...but somehow, that just doesn't seem too applicable.
Edit: Actually you know what, fuck that. You want to keep bringing those PMs up like a girl and implying I ripped your fragile ego apart like some mean psychotic net bully, here they are so other people can judge for themselves how I dealt with you privately (and given that you repeatedly "threatened" to post the PMs, I'm confident you have no objections):
Nev wrote:i underestimated you, obviously. you're a good enough liar and cheat that you have half the shrine convinced now that you actually came up with that sentence...so, you beat me.
if you won't leave the shrine, then just please leave me alone. please, please, please. you have no idea that i've actually probably merited most of the "emo" moments you've seen in me...so please, you rich, stinking piece of shit...don't fuck with me anymore...
and i do wish you all the best...
Kali O. wrote:Let's imagine a scenario. Let's imagine that you are NOT completely batshit here. Let's ALSO imagine that I had absolutely nothing to do with the things you suggest.
Got it pictured in that head? Good, let's run with it. If the above is true, can you imagine how insane your story sounds to me, coming from the only active moderator who was the target and cause of the original thread? Can you, REALLY see how fucking crazy that sounds? What do you want me to believe instead, that you were setup by some random hacker (or Sine/Sera) who were out to "set you up" at that exact time and exact thread...
Do you REALLY, REALLY understand how loony and far-fetched that appears?
I won't, I couldn't. But regardless, I don't care - if you aren't a moderator anymore, I'm ensured I no longer have to worry about it again.
As for "leaving you alone", I will always and gladly jump in to another poster's defense when you cross the line - which you have being doing plenty of lately. That's not going to change, YOU should be the one figuring shit out and changing.
Peace and Love resident psycho.
Nev wrote:fuck you, you liar.
i do not understand why cheats make it in this world, and honest people don't. i never will. what twisted joy do you get out of shit like this?
and for your reference...i am near tears due to your taunts. do you think it's funny to call someone who is bipolar crazy? do you know how many people have hurtfully said that to me before? how many job opportunities and ways to improve my life i've lost because of the label? honestly, do you think it makes you a good person to kick people who've already been kicked dozens of times in that way?
why would you do this? i really don't understand what you have against me...and i hope i have a good night tonight despite your fucking hurtful nonsnse.
thank you for making me feel FUCKING POWERLESS.
Kali O. wrote:You may call me a liar - and that's fine. I'm not and (again, pretending you aren't knowingly lying) you can believe what you like. I asked how you think I would view your actions, if you could imagine I DIDN'T do any of the things you suggested...imagine it. How do you look in that scenario?
I'm being sincere, but again, think what you want....but once you consider that I may be telling the truth, you may actually figure out why your actions were so...looney.
As for you being bipolar, like I already said, bipolar doen't equal "crazy". Your actions and attitude warrant that label, not your condition. You've shown poor impulse control, gone way over the line and said some creepy things, over the last year or so. While those are certainly indicative of bipolar disorder, it's not an excuse. I know plenty of people in your same boat but they manage to function relatively quite well, socially and in their careers. If you are having trouble functioning here or in real life, then seek help in a way that works for you. *shrug*
You'll never find an instance where I "flamed" you without you starting some shit first. While I enjoy that kind of drama, I never force it on people. My advantage is that I don't really care and have fun...if you are "in tears", then I can only suggest you don't give it if you can't take. Problem solved, no?
Nev wrote:No.
Why did you lie? That's what I don't get. Why?
Kali O. wrote:I haven't - I never "backdoored" anything. In fact, I had left my office and showed a property to some investors between the time I posted and found it edited. So again, keep saying "you liar" all you like...just imagine how I view you every time you do.
*shrug*
I can't help you Nev, you'll have to figure your shit out solo. Maybe you truely believe I've done something and become fixated on it because of your disorder...or maybe you're delusional. I'm not really sure and I have no idea what else to say to you.
Good luck.
Nev wrote:
I have a very clear memory of typing in that line about SOTN's reverse level and posting it. Very, very clear. I also have no memory whatsoever of deleting any post of yours. And I researched a bit about some recent phpBB cracks. Try to imagine yourself in my place, now, if you would. Put two and two together with the fact that you're an experienced and seasoned MMO player and Windows user, and is it possible for you to see how I might easily think you've hacked the board?
But I also am bipolar...and it's entirely possible, in cases of untreated illness (though I do take lithium) that my mind somehow retconned itself into thinking that I posted that line when I really didn't. So I'll open myself up to you...if you really did type that line in, on your honor, and you can convince me of it, I'll talk to my psychiatrist about it and see if some sort of inpatient treatment or whatnot is warranted, because if my memory is that faulty, perhaps I really shouldn't be walking the streets.
So it's up to you now. I'm not kidding about anything I'm saying in this post. I really am committed to trying to get well, and trying to protect others from the consequences of my illness, in a larger sense. (My flames towards Don were unwarranted and were a symptom of that, and I feel pretty bad about that now - Kupek sent me a very patient and wise message that made me see that.) So if I really did make all of that up, please do tell me, because I don't want to stay out of a hospital if my mind is really that crazy and unreliable.
But don't lie about it, because I really am serious. I have a feeling even you wouldn't want someone to commit him/herself to a mental hospital based on a deceit...guessing that kind of thing sticks with you for awhile.
Will wait to hear back from you...
Nev
Nev wrote:and quite frankly....fuck you.
my family and i have spent thousands upon thousands of dollars on psychiatry. i've been in halfway houses where i was locked in motel rooms by incompetent staff.
i've spent years in hell - suicidal and worse. i've had meds stuffed down my throat without my permission that made me feel like i was losing my mind. do you have ANY idea what that's like?
don't you EVER come at me and tell me how to manage my illness, unless you're *actually* ready to try to help with it. all standing on the sidelines and saying "you have no impulse control, you're crazy, etc. etc." does is make me feel even more marginalized than i already have because of this illness. is that really your intent?
i used to respect you, kali, because you didn't get involved in the shit around here. then you got involved in this, and you and i both know you cracked the board and hacked my post. and honestly, i almost feel like that's not the issue at this point. the issue has more to do with my poor impulse control, and your dismissive behavior.
i am imagining how it would look if you hadn't done this shit, and i can see why everyone else is on your side now. but let me ask you - do you really think you're "helping" or "teaching" me something by lying to everyone in order to prove your point?
don't you think you could have said the same things you're trying to prove via a PM and that I might have listened?
all I want to do now is leave, really. five minutes ago i cut my hand breaking a bottle on the floor because i couldn't stand your deceit. you can say what you want about poor impulse control...but to me, this just seems like a microcosm of the way liars in the larger world manage to gain power over people who care enough to be honest.
my cut hand isn't your problem...but perhaps, if you'd been through some of the things i have in my life - watching my father abuse my mother for years, having her scream at him and kick him out of the house, living through my adolescence caught in the middle of the subsequent cold war, getting improperly diagnosed when i first tried to seek help for my illness and getting put on meds that were later proven to cause the suicidal feelings i experienced, then failing out of school because of it, getting put in a halfway house where they locked me in a motel room and told me not to come out for trying to talk to one of the girls in the program, then tried to make me live on forty dollars a week in a motel room with no car, kitchen, or even plates while i was bipolar and untreated, finally going through years of seeking work and getting jobs under my ability level because of all of this, and finally and most recently watching as ten years of my stepmother shit-talking my real mother caused my little half-brother to learn to hate her as well...you might have enough emotional experiences to be as angry, frustrated, and desperate as i often feel.
think about that. i'm getting your point on this from many angles...but again i ask...do you really think it's a point you couldn't have made by just PMing me rationally?
i do read. i do listen when people try to explain things to me honestly and not dismissively. and i really wish you could've tried that instead. instead, you chose to lie...and for what it's worth, now, kali, i don't trust you anymore. i did before.
my trust of you might not be worth anything to you...but it was worth something to me. i'm sad that i lost it.
anyway, hopefully my anger's subsided now. this message was the gist of what i wanted to say. i really don't give a shit about the ops, and quite frankly, i'd hazard a guess that you'll probably make a better one than me. but while it's apparent that i could have handled this better, you could have as well.
i hope that you have a good night.
Kali O. wrote:Yeesh...you kinda jump all over the place there, eh?
Anyway:
1) Fuck me? I don't CARE what your issues are, tbqh. You offered your personal history, asked me a question and I answered. What you do is your business Nev, but if you don't want an answer, don't ask a question. I'm always baffled whenever you burst into self-defense mode immediately after seeking a reply in first place.
2) Of course I could have been diplomatic (had I even believed you weren't/aren't lying)...but I would not have been. Why? Because that drama and back and forth was entertaining (to me). If you (or anyone) are willing to incite verbal attacks, I will always gladly run into the fray. If it's not fun for you, don't do it.
3) No, it doesn mean much. Obviously, I don't "trust" you either, since I still believe you are either lying or unstable. I could be right or wrong...I assume what I think doesn't matter to you and I assume that because if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't care. Is that "dismissive"? Maybe...but I'd wager my *shrugging* feels better than your suggested tears and a cut hand, no? What works, works.
4) I hope so too. Anger, especially from online sources, is pretty unhealthy. But again, don't start playing the flame game if the results prove too stressful.
As for your other pm, I once again tell you I had no "backdoor" and "no hack". More importantly, you had no reason to assume I did. I didn't touch your post, delete my own or anything else. You are welcome to believe what you like (and I'll reinterate, I still believe you are lying). Besides, I think trying to check yourself into a hospital because some guy you know online told you that you are crazy probably would actually justify an admission on wackiness alone
I'll end on this. I don't CARE [well, much] who you flame Mental, I never did. I enjoy verbal jousting, twisting words and playing the flame game. If you continue to flame, I'd never stop you - but I would jump in. However, try to remember there ARE some lines you don't cross. For example, you mentioned an abusive household and other personal details. I would NEVER bring something like that up in a troll/flame, even in jest. When I call you "crazy", I base that on you actions here, not your real life. Try to keep some tact if you want to continue to flame/joke people - I think others will respect you alot more...or perhaps more importantly, you'll respect yourself a lot more.
I'd suggest you drop the whole thing, but you can continue the PMs/Posting asking Sine to check logs and playing the hurt bunny. I doesn't matter to me, as ultimately, I find all this typing a pleasant distraction. I don't know what else to say to you.
Nite.
That is all I have saved. Worst accusation I think that can be made of me is that I was honest and NOT THERE TO HOLD YOUR FUCKING HAND WHILE YOU INSULTED ME, TOLD ME CREEPY SHIT AND CONTINUED TO TRY TO FUCKING CONVINCE ME I HACKED THE SHRINE. Holy fucking shit Nev...
).
I can agree with that. I've been posting a shit ton less lately though I do miss the board since if we ever wanted to do a "serious" discussion, it would have to be in gamethought because I'm not allowed to post serious things in daily stuff since 2000.
