I'd be like HOLY SHIT THAT BEAR CAN FUCKING TALK!!!!!SineSwiper wrote:That's because China is China. If a 600-pound grizzly bear asks you for your wallet, would you bitch about it?
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Still #1 on the Threat Countdown: BEARS!
- Somehow, we still tolerate each other. Eventually this will be the only forum left.
Heyyy boo boo. You gonna share the picnic basket with your best friend yogi?Lox wrote:I'd offer him my picanic basket instead.
"An old man dies, a young girl lives, fair trade." - Bruce Willis from Sin City.
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I'd negotiate to get him some food and/or meat instead. He's obviously a rather intelligent bear if a) he can talk, b) knows what a wallet is, and c) understands that it is an important item. With such intelligence he would surely understand that, in his particular situation being a bear, he would be far better with tangible food products he can consume as opposed to an item which can only be used in a barter economy which he cannot be a part of due to the fact that he's a bear. There's also nothing else in the wallet that would be of any use to him. I may be a hairy Arab but he's a freakin' grizzly bear so identity theft wouldn't work.SineSwiper wrote:That's because China is China. If a 600-pound grizzly bear asks you for your wallet, would you bitch about it?
Other than perhaps eliminating his competition, the only thing you really could offer him is food.
I was there on that fateful day, were you?
But, wouldn't he just eat you then?Zeus wrote:I'd negotiate to get him some food and/or meat instead. He's obviously a rather intelligent bear if a) he can talk, b) knows what a wallet is, and c) understands that it is an important item. With such intelligence he would surely understand that, in his particular situation being a bear, he would be far better with tangible food products he can consume as opposed to an item which can only be used in a barter economy which he cannot be a part of due to the fact that he's a bear. There's also nothing else in the wallet that would be of any use to him. I may be a hairy Arab but he's a freakin' grizzly bear so identity theft wouldn't work.SineSwiper wrote:That's because China is China. If a 600-pound grizzly bear asks you for your wallet, would you bitch about it?
Other than perhaps eliminating his competition, the only thing you really could offer him is food.
I know kung-fuSineSwiper wrote:That's because China is China. If a 600-pound grizzly bear asks you for your wallet, would you bitch about it?
-Insert Inspiring Quote-
Not if I promise him better, less-dangerous food. We are talking about a talking bear with strong critical thinking abilities hereRentCavalier wrote:But, wouldn't he just eat you then?Zeus wrote:I'd negotiate to get him some food and/or meat instead. He's obviously a rather intelligent bear if a) he can talk, b) knows what a wallet is, and c) understands that it is an important item. With such intelligence he would surely understand that, in his particular situation being a bear, he would be far better with tangible food products he can consume as opposed to an item which can only be used in a barter economy which he cannot be a part of due to the fact that he's a bear. There's also nothing else in the wallet that would be of any use to him. I may be a hairy Arab but he's a freakin' grizzly bear so identity theft wouldn't work.SineSwiper wrote:That's because China is China. If a 600-pound grizzly bear asks you for your wallet, would you bitch about it?
Other than perhaps eliminating his competition, the only thing you really could offer him is food.
I was there on that fateful day, were you?
But if he is a critical thinker, what danger are you to him?
Well, we're talking a bold, aggressive, thieving, critical thinking bear. He has made a determination he wants something from me. Initially, he decided he wanted my wallet. I would reason with him to explain that rather than the wallet, perhaps he should be going for something more useful to him, such as food. He, in turn, would then use his critical thinking abilities to deduce "well, I could try to just beat him up and eat him instead, however these humans are quite inventing and even though I have both the size and strength advantage over him, it would be more beneficial and maybe safer for me to use psychological tactics to get what I want a human could potentially severly injure me". It really would be his best decision if should decide to pursue stealing something from me, a decision a critical-thinking bear would likely arrive at.RentCavalier wrote:But if he is a critical thinker, what danger are you to him?
(yes, I'm wasting my time doing this but hey, it's better than staring at numbers :-)
I was there on that fateful day, were you?
We're talking about a 600 pound bear with a brain. Wanting your wallet means he clearly wants to use it, but if he gets your wallet and you live, you could contact the authorities and have him brought down. Therefore, he'd clearly want to kill you and eat you, both gaining a meal and your wallet and also ensuring his existence is secret.Zeus wrote:Well, we're talking a bold, aggressive, thieving, critical thinking bear. He has made a determination he wants something from me. Initially, he decided he wanted my wallet. I would reason with him to explain that rather than the wallet, perhaps he should be going for something more useful to him, such as food. He, in turn, would then use his critical thinking abilities to deduce "well, I could try to just beat him up and eat him instead, however these humans are quite inventing and even though I have both the size and strength advantage over him, it would be more beneficial and maybe safer for me to use psychological tactics to get what I want a human could potentially severly injure me". It really would be his best decision if should decide to pursue stealing something from me, a decision a critical-thinking bear would likely arrive at.RentCavalier wrote:But if he is a critical thinker, what danger are you to him?
(yes, I'm wasting my time doing this but hey, it's better than staring at numbers :-)
Although your theory is sound, you are neglecting the fact that in a barter society, the bear has pretty much no use for the wallet. It's not like he can use the money, credit cards, or identification in it. If anything, that wallet is a detriment to him. It makes far more sense for him to insist on food or perhaps for you to take out his competition as opposed to insisting on taking the wallet. Obviously, he would need to either get the food from you immediately or take a hostage or something to ensure you actually take out his competition. Really, in this case, the logical choice is also the simpliest one that any normal bear would make: take the food and run.RentCavalier wrote:We're talking about a 600 pound bear with a brain. Wanting your wallet means he clearly wants to use it, but if he gets your wallet and you live, you could contact the authorities and have him brought down. Therefore, he'd clearly want to kill you and eat you, both gaining a meal and your wallet and also ensuring his existence is secret.Zeus wrote:Well, we're talking a bold, aggressive, thieving, critical thinking bear. He has made a determination he wants something from me. Initially, he decided he wanted my wallet. I would reason with him to explain that rather than the wallet, perhaps he should be going for something more useful to him, such as food. He, in turn, would then use his critical thinking abilities to deduce "well, I could try to just beat him up and eat him instead, however these humans are quite inventing and even though I have both the size and strength advantage over him, it would be more beneficial and maybe safer for me to use psychological tactics to get what I want a human could potentially severly injure me". It really would be his best decision if should decide to pursue stealing something from me, a decision a critical-thinking bear would likely arrive at.RentCavalier wrote:But if he is a critical thinker, what danger are you to him?
(yes, I'm wasting my time doing this but hey, it's better than staring at numbers :-)
Besides, you honestly think the authorities will believe a talking, critical-thinking bear even exists? They'd laugh you out of the precent. Even if you did get a crazy cop who believed you, all the bear would have to do is play dumb and he's scot-free.
I was there on that fateful day, were you?
A bear can't use a wallet certainly. Grocery stores and restauraunts probably wouldn't provide services to the bear. However, through the magic of the Internet, the bear could impersonate your identity online. Amazon.com doesn't know that Zeus is really a kodiak bear. I'm guessing the bear would take your wallet, walk back to the cave, and add your identity to a database of stolen identities gathered by other talking bears.Zeus wrote:Although your theory is sound, you are neglecting the fact that in a barter society, the bear has pretty much no use for the wallet. It's not like he can use the money, credit cards, or identification in it. If anything, that wallet is a detriment to him. It makes far more sense for him to insist on food or perhaps for you to take out his competition as opposed to insisting on taking the wallet. Obviously, he would need to either get the food from you immediately or take a hostage or something to ensure you actually take out his competition. Really, in this case, the logical choice is also the simpliest one that any normal bear would make: take the food and run.RentCavalier wrote:We're talking about a 600 pound bear with a brain. Wanting your wallet means he clearly wants to use it, but if he gets your wallet and you live, you could contact the authorities and have him brought down. Therefore, he'd clearly want to kill you and eat you, both gaining a meal and your wallet and also ensuring his existence is secret.Zeus wrote: Well, we're talking a bold, aggressive, thieving, critical thinking bear. He has made a determination he wants something from me. Initially, he decided he wanted my wallet. I would reason with him to explain that rather than the wallet, perhaps he should be going for something more useful to him, such as food. He, in turn, would then use his critical thinking abilities to deduce "well, I could try to just beat him up and eat him instead, however these humans are quite inventing and even though I have both the size and strength advantage over him, it would be more beneficial and maybe safer for me to use psychological tactics to get what I want a human could potentially severly injure me". It really would be his best decision if should decide to pursue stealing something from me, a decision a critical-thinking bear would likely arrive at.
(yes, I'm wasting my time doing this but hey, it's better than staring at numbers :-)
Besides, you honestly think the authorities will believe a talking, critical-thinking bear even exists? They'd laugh you out of the precent. Even if you did get a crazy cop who believed you, all the bear would have to do is play dumb and he's scot-free.
however, here again we run into a problem. Unless the bear goes and kills some cabin dwellers with internet access (or find a derelict cabin with computer, internet, and electricity), the bear cannot get a computer and the internet access he will need for this venture. Alone the bear would need to already have this laid out before the internet spending could begin. However, once the cabin folk are dead or the derelict cabin is found, more problems arise. People will notice the cabin owners are not around any longer and might investigate/call the authorities. Also, the possiblity of a cabin with internet access, or an empty cabin with internet access (or still an active account) is remote in and of itself.
....Wow. Just wow...
Rosalina: But you didn't.
Robert: But I DON'T.
Rosalina: You sure that's right?
Robert: I was going to HAVE told you they'd come?
Rosalina: No.
Robert: The subjunctive?
Rosalina: That's not the subjunctive.
Robert: I don't think the syntax has been invented yet.
Rosalina: It would have had to have had been.
Robert: Had to have...had...been? That can't be right.
Robert: But I DON'T.
Rosalina: You sure that's right?
Robert: I was going to HAVE told you they'd come?
Rosalina: No.
Robert: The subjunctive?
Rosalina: That's not the subjunctive.
Robert: I don't think the syntax has been invented yet.
Rosalina: It would have had to have had been.
Robert: Had to have...had...been? That can't be right.
It's VERY plausible for a bear to find an old, cheap laptop in a garbage can and subsequently to find a coffee shop or other business offering free wifi in this day and age. Thus, there's really no need for him to kill anyone. It'd be a pure white collar crime. The devious thing is that there are no laws on the books to prosecute bears for these crimes! The public accepts that a bear can be shot for killing a tourist, but there'd be a huge outcry for shooting a bear over wire fraud.bovine wrote:however, here again we run into a problem. Unless the bear goes and kills some cabin dwellers with internet access (or find a derelict cabin with computer, internet, and electricity), the bear cannot get a computer and the internet access he will need for this venture. Alone the bear would need to already have this laid out before the internet spending could begin. However, once the cabin folk are dead or the derelict cabin is found, more problems arise. People will notice the cabin owners are not around any longer and might investigate/call the authorities. Also, the possiblity of a cabin with internet access, or an empty cabin with internet access (or still an active account) is remote in and of itself.
We keep dancing around the issue of WHY the Bear would need a credit card. We've established that, generally speaking, money is sort of useless to a bear, because of the complexity of actually spending it. The only use a bear would have for a wallet would be something far simpler--perhaps he simply collects objects of humanity, like coins or used condoms, but there are some things people don't really throw away, and those are wallets. Therefore, if all he wants is the wallet, the monetary confines unimportant, than simply emptying those out of the wallet and giving them to the bear would be all that is required.Ishamael wrote:It's VERY plausible for a bear to find an old, cheap laptop in a garbage can and subsequently to find a coffee shop or other business offering free wifi in this day and age. Thus, there's really no need for him to kill anyone. It'd be a pure white collar crime. The devious thing is that there are no laws on the books to prosecute bears for these crimes! The public accepts that a bear can be shot for killing a tourist, but there'd be a huge outcry for shooting a bear over wire fraud.bovine wrote:however, here again we run into a problem. Unless the bear goes and kills some cabin dwellers with internet access (or find a derelict cabin with computer, internet, and electricity), the bear cannot get a computer and the internet access he will need for this venture. Alone the bear would need to already have this laid out before the internet spending could begin. However, once the cabin folk are dead or the derelict cabin is found, more problems arise. People will notice the cabin owners are not around any longer and might investigate/call the authorities. Also, the possiblity of a cabin with internet access, or an empty cabin with internet access (or still an active account) is remote in and of itself.
EXCEPT as I stated previously, the Bear is clearly smart enough to not want to be discovered, and if he is also smart, he likely knows how to cover or mislead a trail, and could simply eat you, take the wallet from your mutilated corpse, and then make a trail leading the eventual bear manhunt to another Bear's cave--likely the same bastard neighbor who took the nicest cave of the area. Well it's not yours anymore, it's mine, and you're dead so there!
So, ultimately, the Bear gets a wallet and a nice new cave, and you get an unfortunate case of the death.
if he was ordering things online, he'd still need a mailing address.Ishamael wrote:It's VERY plausible for a bear to find an old, cheap laptop in a garbage can and subsequently to find a coffee shop or other business offering free wifi in this day and age. Thus, there's really no need for him to kill anyone. It'd be a pure white collar crime. The devious thing is that there are no laws on the books to prosecute bears for these crimes! The public accepts that a bear can be shot for killing a tourist, but there'd be a huge outcry for shooting a bear over wire fraud.bovine wrote:however, here again we run into a problem. Unless the bear goes and kills some cabin dwellers with internet access (or find a derelict cabin with computer, internet, and electricity), the bear cannot get a computer and the internet access he will need for this venture. Alone the bear would need to already have this laid out before the internet spending could begin. However, once the cabin folk are dead or the derelict cabin is found, more problems arise. People will notice the cabin owners are not around any longer and might investigate/call the authorities. Also, the possiblity of a cabin with internet access, or an empty cabin with internet access (or still an active account) is remote in and of itself.
And now you see what issues REALLY concern our generation.Zeus wrote:Entertaining as hell, but I think I'm done with it now. I've said my peace and then some. I'll let Bovine and Ish keep it alive :-)SineSwiper wrote:....Wow. Just wow...
that's col. I always like taking tally on what Tweens think these daysRentCavalier wrote:And now you see what issues REALLY concern our generation.Zeus wrote:Entertaining as hell, but I think I'm done with it now. I've said my peace and then some. I'll let Bovine and Ish keep it alive :-)SineSwiper wrote:....Wow. Just wow...
