"I'm not ready for an exclusive relationship"

[Anarky]

So I've been dating someone for 2 months now. Last night we were talking and I was trying to figure out her plans for Sunday and she wouldn't say and it ended up being cryptic and came down to "I have to meetup with someone" And she didn't give that up easily.

So I talk to her later that night and asked the following into a different convo:
me: so.. does that mean you're seeing other people?

Her: it means i'm not ready for an exclusive relationship
i'm really sorry if i've led you on becasue i haven't meant to-

i really like you and i enjoy the time we spend together, but i'm not looking for anything more than just dating right now.

me: Well let me say it like this, I like dating you, and I don't want to tie you down...

but even when dating I only see one person...

Her: thanks for that- i'm glad we're on the same page that we are just dating, though
I feel like I should be really clear though-- I'm at a busy and weird part in my life and making lots of decisions and I don't plan on letting other people influence things like we're I live, we're I move to, my schedule, etc...

so basically, I'm not looking for a serious relationship and probably won't be for a long while.
you need to be okay with that if we're going to keep on seeing each other
me: Yes, I'm okay with that
-----

So does that mean she's dating other people too... or just doesn't want to be serious.

... and maybe I'm being dumb because I talk to her every day for a few hours and go on one to two dates/hangouts a week and know she's busy with school and trying to find work.

Am I just being paranoid? Personally even if its not "serious" I only date one person at a time... just how I'm wired.

[Andrew, Killer Bee]

Bail out. At best you guys want different things out of the relationship. At worst she's seeing other dudes.

[bovine]

yeah, when you're in a relationship you have to be sure that you both want the same thing. Being in a relationship (whether that be friendship or any social bond between people) you should always be sure that you are both aware of eachother's vision of what that relationship is. You don't need to totally agree on the other person's interpretation, as long as both of your needs are met. If you feel like you are not having your needs met in their vision of the relationship, then GET THE FUCK OUT.

[Anarky]

Honestly she treats me well and I have fun with her...

And maybe I'm just over analyzing. I don't know... first decent girl I've met in a long time, and maybe I just want to jump the gun.

[Mental]

I disagree with bov and the Bee. You don't have to bail out. You do need to take her at her word. My guess is - she doesn't want pressure, she doesn't want anything serious. I would guess she's not trying to "play" you, she just wants what she says, which is not to be bound up in a relationship she'd feel constricted by.

And, she might be seeing other people too. That's going to have to be something you might have to deal with or accept. People play the field when they date. If you're okay with that, and you like spending time with her, that doesn't have to wreck everything. But you do have to get over any jealousy you've got.

I personally think the "you have to be exclusive with me and if not you're a bad person" mentality is a little bit narcissistic. There's dating, and then there's going steady. And thinking that someone HAS to go steady as soon as possible is something I find kind of needy.

You have to figure out for yourself whether or not you think she's just playing you or whether she is being sincere and just wants to be free...but jealousy can be a pretty bad monster. I've blown a lot of chances by coming off too strong and needing too much too soon. My attitude on dating right now is a lot like hers, it sounds like - I want to have fun, I want to enjoy myself, I want there to be not a lot of pressure and it to be something that enhances my life. If not I don't have a lot of patience for it. That doesn't make me a bad person or an abusive dater, and it doesn't make her that way either.

You do have to accept that, and it takes a certain amount of self-confidence and romantic independence - but I'll take that to codependency any day. If I had one piece of advice, it would be - "don't panic. relax. take it slow and easy", and I think you'll be fine.

(If you do need exclusivity on an "it's not off the table" basis, and she doesn't want to go there, then yes, it's best to cut off your emotional losses and make a clean break.)

[Tessian]

If she's dating someone else I'd say forget it... my first dating experience was filled with crap like that; she was a senior in HS and just wanted to 'have fun' during her last 6 months. I knew that meant she was dating other guys, but half way through I started believing that since she stopped mentioning the other guys that she stopped dating them... and finding out later I was only fooling myself was painful.

If she's only dating you and just doesn't want to make it official that's one thing, but if she's not then you have to evaluate what you want and if they don't match up it's time to go before she really does hurt you later

[Eric]

Last night we were talking and I was trying to figure out her plans for Sunday and she wouldn't say and it ended up being cryptic and came down to "I have to meetup with someone" And she didn't give that up easily.

She's seeing other people. "Someone" almost ALWAYS means another male, the simple fact that they don't name their girlfriends or family member when they say they're going out with "someone" else means it's of the opposite sex, or they have a reason to shade the person they're going out with because they know you or whoever they're talking to wouldn't like it.

There are not many guys that can deal with a girl that dates multiple guys, and I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that simply by the fact that you're asking us, that you are in fact not one of those types of guys.

So you either adapt, and become one of those said guys and claim her for yourself, or you bail out and look for something far simpler and less stressful on your emotions.

[Mental]

Last night we were talking and I was trying to figure out her plans for Sunday and she wouldn't say and it ended up being cryptic and came down to "I have to meetup with someone" And she didn't give that up easily.

She's seeing other people. "Someone" almost ALWAYS means another male, the simple fact that they don't name their girlfriends or family member when they say they're going out with "someone" else means it's of the opposite sex, or they have a reason to shade the person they're going out with because they know you or whoever they're talking to wouldn't like it.

There are not many guys that can deal with a girl that dates multiple guys, and I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that simply by the fact that you're asking us, that you are in fact not one of those types of guys.

So you either adapt, and become one of those said guys and claim her for yourself, or you bail out and look for something far simpler and less stressful on your emotions.

Yup, I think Eric's got it, even if I disagree a little bit that there aren't that many guys who can deal with a girl who plays the field. You do kind of have to step back and take a breath, though, and it has to be one of those things where she's playing the field to make the best dating choice for herself, not one of those things where she's not capable of making a commitment or being loyal.

[Sassafras]

Protect yourself and dont date someone who is seeing other people. The chance of getting a sexual disease goes up by a billion. Save your penis and run away.

[SineSwiper]

"I'm not ready for an exclusive relationship" = She doesn't like you enough to be in a relationship. I hate the cryptic bullshit, and I especially hate this concept that you're allowed to "date around". It's not healthy, it's deceitful, and it's a slight step down from outright cheating.

GTFO of that one! Seriously.

[Tessian]

"I'm not ready for an exclusive relationship" = She doesn't like you enough to be in a relationship.

That's not true and a very unfair generalization to make. There are many reasons someone may decide not to want to be in an exclusive relationship, hers seems valid- she's got enough shit going on in her life right now she believes she either doesn't have the time or it wouldn't be fair to bring someone else into it. Now if she's just dating around there can still be other reasons, but "I don't like you enough" is most likely not one of them.

[SineSwiper]

That's not true and a very unfair generalization to make. There are many reasons someone may decide not to want to be in an exclusive relationship, hers seems valid- she's got enough shit going on in her life right now she believes she either doesn't have the time or it wouldn't be fair to bring someone else into it. Now if she's just dating around there can still be other reasons, but "I don't like you enough" is most likely not one of them.

Why not? If anybody is in love with somebody, truly in love, they would drop everything and go towards the relationship, no matter what. People have moved to different countries just to be with someone they love. If this girl can't be bothered with a relationship, then she should drop dating entirely, instead of this "oh, I'm just having fun" bullshit.

This stems from people dancing around the truth, instead of saying what they mean.

[Anarky]

That's not true and a very unfair generalization to make. There are many reasons someone may decide not to want to be in an exclusive relationship, hers seems valid- she's got enough shit going on in her life right now she believes she either doesn't have the time or it wouldn't be fair to bring someone else into it. Now if she's just dating around there can still be other reasons, but "I don't like you enough" is most likely not one of them.

Why not? If anybody is in love with somebody, truly in love, they would drop everything and go towards the relationship, no matter what. People have moved to different countries just to be with someone they love. If this girl can't be bothered with a relationship, then she should drop dating entirely, instead of this "oh, I'm just having fun" bullshit.

This stems from people dancing around the truth, instead of saying what they mean.

It's only been 2 months... not much a time for love. I like this girl, and I have fun with her.

She is a pretty busy person and she seems sincere when I see her and when we talk, if she's bullshitting me then sweet jesus...

[Eric]

That's not true and a very unfair generalization to make. There are many reasons someone may decide not to want to be in an exclusive relationship, hers seems valid- she's got enough shit going on in her life right now she believes she either doesn't have the time or it wouldn't be fair to bring someone else into it. Now if she's just dating around there can still be other reasons, but "I don't like you enough" is most likely not one of them.

Why not? If anybody is in love with somebody, truly in love, they would drop everything and go towards the relationship, no matter what. People have moved to different countries just to be with someone they love. If this girl can't be bothered with a relationship, then she should drop dating entirely, instead of this "oh, I'm just having fun" bullshit.

This stems from people dancing around the truth, instead of saying what they mean.

Uhhh, that's stupid to be frank. Dating is fun. DON'T DATE UNLESS YOU PLAN TO FALL IN LOVE is the opposite extreme.

[SineSwiper]

I hate to be a dick, but I'm the one who's happily married.

[bovine]

I hate to be a dick, but I'm the one who's happily married.

That might not be everyone's objective.

[Eric]

I hate to be a dick, but I'm the one who's happily married.

I hate to be a man-whore, but I'm not tryin to get married.

[Julius Seeker]

To the people screaming to break up: You don't have to love someone to date them. Enjoying someone's company and having some action is a good thing. Dating shouldn't involve necessary oppressive commitment; we're not living in the 1950's anymore. The year is 2009 and not everyone has their life priorities set on marriage. People are not as simplistic as these conservative views.

Anarky: In the end, if the situation works for you, then just go with it. It also means that if you meet a nice and pretty girl that you don't have to worry about getting better acquainted with her either; and possibly date her later if things end with your current setup. Also that your relatively free on a personal level.

To me it seems like this girl's intentions are clear, she wants freedom but she likes you. Serious relationships severely limit freedom, much like a 9-5 job or WoW addiction does for some people. There are a lot of things that people just don't want running their life.

[Kupek]

There are many reasons someone may decide not to want to be in an exclusive relationship, hers seems valid- she's got enough shit going on in her life right now she believes she either doesn't have the time or it wouldn't be fair to bring someone else into it.

Ha, yes, there are many valid, rational reasons to not want to start a relationship. But relationships are emotional, not rational, and people start them because they can't not start them because of how they feel.

"I'm busy", "I'm in a weird part of my life right now" and "I'm not ready for a real relationship right now" are all code for "I'm just not that into you."

Anarky, this will end in tears. I speak from my own personal experience. She is telling you, in plain English, that she doesn't want a relationship with you. But because of how you feel about her, you're hearing that there's a possiblity in the future. But there's really not. She's only phrasing it like that because it's really difficult to tell a person you like as a friend, "I have no romantic interest in you."

The more you continue to see her, the more emotionally attached you'll get, and the more you'll push for a serious relationship. She'll withdraw, which will cause you to push more. And it will end badly. I could be wrong. But I don't think I am.

[Tessian]

Sine, I hate to say it but you're the last one to be giving dating advice. I'm truly happy that you and Shellie found each other but you guys did not fall within the norm of dating... you moved in with her after a week or crying out loud. If anything it means that, while you were/are perfect for each other, your dating experiences aren't going to really apply to anyone else. There is a huge gap between wanting to date someone and wanting to move in together and marry them.

Anarky doesn't mention it above, but Sine/Kup's arguments go kind of out the door if they're romantically involved (and I don't necessarily mean sex). If it's stayed strictly on friendly terms then yes, that'd mean she's not interested. But otherwise that won't be the case... if she's spending that much time with you and romantically then interest isn't the issue, although she could be trying to decide whether she likes you or another guy more. I've heard plenty of rationalizations for not committing, none were really good but they were valid to the other person... some people just have a huge fear of committing in general (normally a guy thing but not always) or they're too afraid to change anything.

All I'm saying is there are other explanations as to why she won't commit, but it doesn't necessarily mean she's not interested, or you can't eventually convince her otherwise. If she's dating other dudes though, forget it.

[SineSwiper]

That might not be everyone's objective.

That's obviously Anarky's objective. And it's not a good idea to date the players, if you're not one yourself. Players don't have that mindset to actually stay with a relationship, and unless they change their ways, they'll end up sticking to that same mode forever. It will not end well.

I hate to be a man-whore, but I'm not tryin to get married.

My point exactly. You're not exactly an expert in this manner.

Ha, yes, there are many valid, rational reasons to not want to start a relationship. But relationships are emotional, not rational, and people start them because they can't not start them because of how they feel.

Hmmm...seems similar to what I was saying. But, of course, everybody will fall over and agree with you, I guess because somehow I'm not qualified for giving out advice of this nature.

Fuck it. I said my advice. Take it or leave it.

[Kupek]

Yes, Sine, I largely agree with what you said.

Tessian, even if they have been physically involved (and yes, not necessarily sex), I still stand by what I said. It sounds like they fundamentally want different things - she wants casual dating, he wants an exclusive relationship - and that never works. I've been there in the past. There's a difference between "I'm attracted to you, I like to fool around with you sometimes, and I have have fun hanging out with you" and "I'm romantically interested in you and I want a relationship." The first can easily lead to the second, but she's explicitly said it won't. I've heard that song before.

I've heard plenty of rationalizations for not committing, none were really good but they were valid to the other person...

Ha, again, no they weren't. They sounded reasonable, but they weren't the real reason. Rejecting someone straight-out is really hard to do, so few people do.

In the end, this discussion is academic, since Anarky won't take our advice, and I kinda think he shouldn't. If he has feelings for the girl, he's going to ride it out and see where it goes. Nothing we say is going to stop it. And while I think it will end badly, some lessons we need to learn first-hand.

[SineSwiper]

In the end, this discussion is academic, since Anarky won't take our advice, and I kinda think he shouldn't. If he has feelings for the girl, he's going to ride it out and see where it goes. Nothing we say is going to stop it. And while I think it will end badly, some lessons we need to learn first-hand.

It's still our duty to try anyway. And I do think that Anarky wouldn't have asked the question if he wasn't doubtful about the whole thing and genuinely looking for advice.

[Kupek]

I think he was looking for reassurance, not advice.

[Anarky]

To be honest with you guys this shit is confusing. I'm in the camp that to her exclusive might just mean an abundance of time and a title... I simply asked her last night what she was thinking and how she felt. She tells me she likes me and is into me. Its just her schedule does not permit it, and for now I'm going to take her at her word. And yes there is a sexual component to our relationship

Unless she's just lying to me to play me then I don't get it. Its not like I am throwing out money left or right. She actually pays sometimes or we go dutch. It's not a one sided arrangement so its no like I'm SOL or out anything...

I guess I'll just see how the next few dates go... and if they seem odd or I feel like shit then I need to put it to an end.

In the end, this discussion is academic, since Anarky won't take our advice, and I kinda think he shouldn't. If he has feelings for the girl, he's going to ride it out and see where it goes. Nothing we say is going to stop it. And while I think it will end badly, some lessons we need to learn first-hand.

Pretty much. Even though at this point I might be beating a dead horse for figuring out things myself with dating.

[Julius Seeker]

That's the best thing to do. Personally, I don't buy a lot of the conclusions people here are jumping to. In my experience, unless the two of you are in love then the more casual the relationship the better. Take it slow and see how it develops, and without expectations based on anything or anyone else. If you find that you're enjoying yourself then why ruin a good thing? If it is just too weird, well, you know what to do.

Just don't assume anything, be honest, and things will work out the way they should.

[Eric]

I hate to be a man-whore, but I'm not tryin to get married.

My point exactly. You're not exactly an expert in this manner.

I thought we were talking about her perspective which matches my own!

[Mental]

I completely agree with Tessian and Eric, Sine. Congratulations on your marriage. We've been happy for you and Shellie for years, you know that. But you seem to be thinking of it like a footrace or something. "I got to the end, I won, you guys can talk when you're as accomplished as me."

Naw, man. All sorts of people want all sorts of different things from dating. It's expectations that it has to be one thing or another that kill it. Plenty of people just want some kind of a light and easy and fun experience, and aren't trying to get married, and THAT'S OKAY. As long as each person is open and honest about what they want out of it, and those overlap, there's no problem with that. It's only when people aren't honest or when expectations don't match up that you really have a problem.

[Mental]

That's the best thing to do. Personally, I don't buy a lot of the conclusions people here are jumping to. In my experience, unless the two of you are in love then the more casual the relationship the better. Take it slow and see how it develops, and without expectations based on anything or anyone else. If you find that you're enjoying yourself then why ruin a good thing? If it is just too weird, well, you know what to do.

Just don't assume anything, be honest, and things will work out the way they should.

Sage advice, Seek.

[Sassafras]

What worries me most about what she said is:
"I don't plan on letting other people influence things like we're I live, we're I move to, my schedule, etc... "

Im sorry but thats kinda messed. So being in a relationship means you have no control over your life apparently? It appears that she wants to be single so she can do whatever she wants whenever she wants to. Thats fine but why should you be hanging around waiting for her to decide when she wants to hang with you???/ She is trying to have her cake and eat it too and you are paying the price. If she wants the freedom that comes from being single then be single. Why waste your time and disrespect yourself by waiting for this girl?? Guess what everyone has a busy life, you choose to make the time to be with someone. If she is not willing to do that then why be with her? She says she likes you but if she really did she would make the time. Its that simple.

If you want something exclusive get out now but if you are as emotionally detached as she is then enjoy the ride.

[Mental]

*sigh*

Not everybody wants to derail their whole life for a relationship. There's this expectation that a relationship ought to be the highest priority in anyone's life, and that if you meet "the right person" you ought to be ready to drop everything and move across the country if you have to...

I wouldn't be willing to move for a relationship right now. I wouldn't be willing to change my living space over one. I'd probably let it influence my schedule, but since my job is at-home and flex-time I don't really *have* a schedule. I completely understand where this girl is coming from, and again, I maintain that it's far more about Anarky's feelings about what HE wants out of a relationship than the girl's particular perspective on the matter right now, which he can't change even one bit anyway.

Like I said, I've blown chances to just get to know someone better before by insisting someone shove me up right into the middle of their life right away. With every single one of them, I wish I hadn't. People put too much pressure on things, then it's not fun anymore. I agree with the camp of Eric, Seek, bov and Tess who say "just be casual about it if YOU'RE okay with that, if not, you have to let it go". But it's about Anarky's feelings, not hers.

We seem to have divided ourselves into the camps who insist that monogamy (or the dating equivalent) is the only way a genuine relationship can exist, and those who are okay with casual flings and casual dating and just spending time with someone without an expectation of a full-on "relationship". In the end, Anarky, you kind of have to decide which camp you fall into right now. And if it's the first one, that's okay too, but in that case I DO agree with Sine, Kup, Sass and the Bee - if you really feel like dating has to be about a high level of commitment right off the bat - and it sounds like maybe you do - it's time to cut your losses, because the worst thing you could do is stay heartsick over someone who just doesn't feel like being in that kind of a relationship right now.

[Mental]

Alternately, you could also just monitor your own feelings for another week or two and not jump the gun on making a decision, since rarely does anything have to be decided RIGHT NOW OMG. Ain't no meteor. The children's hospital will still probably get built if you don't toss yourself into agonizing, Hamlet-like turmoil about what you have to do at this very second in time.

"to date, or not to date...that is the question"

If you find yourself holding up a skull and trying to converse with the murdered ghost of your father the king at any point, though, it's time to let it all go and go play teh Haloez for awhile. (or your favorite overstimulating mind-obliterator of choice)

[Kupek]

You're extrapolating what my general attitude to dating is from my advice on a specific instance. If both people want to casually date, then it's win-win. But that doesn't sound like the case here. My experience is that if one person wants more than the other, everything falls apart. The fact he posted this here indicates to me he wants more, and is falling for the girl.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting to change your life for a relationship. It just means that person isn't a high priority for you. What I don't buy is that's an inherent state a person is in. I've heard similar soft-rejections, and I bet for each of those girls, if the right guy had come along the next day, all of that wouldn't matter. (And in one case, two months later, that's what happened.)

I realized this about a year ago when I was on the other side, and a girl I was dating wanted more from the relationship than I did. Casually dating would have been fine, but that's not what she wanted. I found myself wanting to say all of the things that had been said to me, and I realized they're rationalizations and half-truths. The reality was I just wasn't that into her.

[Flip]

Next time, slip it in her poop chute.

[SineSwiper]

I think we're taking this from different perspectives, which I guess is good, but it's mixing our replies. Kupek and I take it from a more serious relationship mode, whereas Eric, Seeker, and Tessian take it from their experience with "casual dating".

However, no matter what, things stop getting casual when both people really like each other. Instead of two friends who happen to be of the opposite sex going out together, they are two people who probably love each other.

I've heard similar soft-rejections, and I bet for each of those girls, if the right guy had come along the next day, all of that wouldn't matter. (And in one case, two months later, that's what happened.)

My point exactly. You don't simply wait for the right time to find the right person. Sometimes you seek him/her out, sometimes s/he finds you. But in all cases, if both are really compatible, they WILL jump a lot of hoops to continue seeing each other.

<hr>
Anarky, sticking with it is fine, but remember that this is as good as it gets with this chick. It's never going to get serious. There is no "right time", so don't get that into your head. Above all, don't make the mistake of trying to fall for her. That may seem harder than it sounds, but if you think you're really going to go for a hard fall, then break it off right away. It's not worth the risk, and decisions like this should be logical in nature, not emotional, despite the latter winning out 99% of the time.

Maybe you should try dating around yourself. I dunno. I was never the type to date more than one person at the same time, though. I remember dating this chick for about a week, realizing it wasn't going anywhere, and I called her and broke it off. It was the cleanest break I'd ever heard of, because we both agreed it was a good idea to break it off, and because we were both honest about it.

[Anarky]

You guys have all given wonderful perspectives and I appreciate it. I guess I'm leaning toward Seeker and Replay.. probably because its what I want to hear.

She and I did lunch today actually and she came out to my work to meet me... and we have 2 dates for the weekend. *shrug* maybe its casual but I do get to see her and have fun with her pretty often.

I really haven't dated for a year to try to figure things out and this is my first go at dating again. I still keep falling into the traps of shooting for something sooner than it needs to be.

I've dated her for 2 months... really in the scope of things thats nothing and trying to say we need to be serious, a couple, or in love is wayyyy too soon.

[Mental]

Kup - my bad, I won't generalize anymore.

Anarky - if I had any advice to give, it would be my last post. You don't have to do anything today. Obviously it feels like you have to make some sort of a decision about it, but really - just be gentle with yourself about it. It's no big deal. It's gonna be okay, you know? Even if things don't work out with this one, or if they DO work out with this one, it's not the end of your life. Just try not to stress so much and I think the answer might come to you.

[Mental]

Why we get ourselves into these kinds of situations:

[Anarky]

Speaking of this...

So I had a long conversation with her last night, I essentially brought up this topic for the 3rd time. We ended up on the phone talking for about 1/2 an hour.

We're taking a break I guess while I evaluate some stuff and get back to her if I can do this casual dating business... so I will talk to her in a week or two and see what we want to do.

The last month has kind of sucked for dating her, she's been busy with finals. So I've been questioning EVERYTHING and been super insecure because the month prior I got more face time.

I really like this chick, and she likes me, but she cannot put up with this pressure and I don't blame her. The annoying part is I don't even want a serious relationship at the moment either.

I don't know how to curb this habit, I always seem to get serious and it always blows up in my face. I don't know how to casually date. I even took a year off of dating after my last relationship and I still seem clueless

She says it would be too difficult to just be friends because she does have feelings for me

I keep thinking that I really focus on dating too much. Like I've still been going to the gym and doing my own thing, but she's on the back of my mind.

[Mental]

Time to stop obsessing, or else let it go gently.

[Anarky]

I actually got some good advice from a female friend a moment ago...

She told me to just think of it as a friendship instead of pushing it into the mindset of dating. She brought up how important the friendship is in the long run anyway, instead of focusing on a commitment or the future. Honestly this would help me stop stressing over it... like just treat it like I do seeing friends or talking to them.

[Zeus]

I actually got some good advice from a female friend a moment ago...

She told me to just think of it as a friendship instead of pushing it into the mindset of dating. She brought up how important the friendship is in the long run anyway, instead of focusing on a commitment or the future. Honestly this would help me stop stressing over it... like just treat it like I do seeing friends or talking to them.

A lot of people say that friends-to-significant-other is a bad thing but it's actually the best thing for a long-term relationship. If you think of what a long-term relationship really entails, it's not too much more than 98% very close friendship with that little extra level that makes it more (not just sex; total intimacy).

[Anarky]

I actually got some good advice from a female friend a moment ago...

She told me to just think of it as a friendship instead of pushing it into the mindset of dating. She brought up how important the friendship is in the long run anyway, instead of focusing on a commitment or the future. Honestly this would help me stop stressing over it... like just treat it like I do seeing friends or talking to them.

A lot of people say that friends-to-significant-other is a bad thing but it's actually the best thing for a long-term relationship. If you think of what a long-term relationship really entails, it's not too much more than 98% very close friendship with that little extra level that makes it more (not just sex; total intimacy).

Thats exactly what my friend brought up... I think if I see this more as getting to know her and be friends (yes physical stuff will still happen) that I will stop stressing the stupid shit and just ease into things

[byrdiebird]

Thats exactly what my friend brought up... I think if I see this more as getting to know her and be friends (yes physical stuff will still happen) that I will stop stressing the stupid shit and just ease into things

Easy to say, hard to do. The main point here is that she doesn't want to be in a serious relationship and you don't know how long it's going to be before she IS ready. You can try all you want to not get too involved and try the friend thing first, but eventually you're going to realize that you still want different things. You could find yourself having stronger feelings for her and she may take a lot longer to do that. As much as you like her and have feelings for her, it may be best to stop now before you get in too deep.

God does this whole situation sound entirely too familiar...

[Zeus]

Umm, hello?

[Blotus]

Sine's sister?

[byrdiebird]

Good grief, am I that obvious?* o_O









*rhetorical.

[bovine]

NEW PERSON! You're not my steam, PSN, or XBL friend...... so I don't like you yet.

*cough*

[byrdiebird]

I think I'm okay with that, actually. Especially considering I have no idea what PSN or XBL is...

[Shellie]

I think I'm okay with that, actually. Especially considering I have no idea what PSN or XBL is...

*sigh* lol

She doesn't have a PS3 or a 360, so it doesn't matter anyway heh