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  • Captain Tsubasa

  • Your favorite band sucks, and you have terrible taste in movies.
Your favorite band sucks, and you have terrible taste in movies.
 #138540  by Don
 Sat Jul 18, 2009 7:24 pm
I went back to Captain Tsubasa and I realized it's almost some kind of self-parody (even though the author clearly didn't intended it that way). There are many things that don't make sense in Captain Tsubasa, and I don't mean like 'double jump doesn't make sense', these are things that make no sense even with the law of physics violated.

1. Futile moves.

Santana is the best example of this, where his Arrow Shot involves grabbing his leg in midair and use the recoil for extra kicking power. Beyond being a clearly impossible shot when gravity is concerned, given that the characters in the world of Captain Tsubasa can seem to double jump in air effortlessly, there's really no reason to go through all this trobule to begin with. He can simply just jump again in midair to get the pushoff he need for do a midair kick.

2. The Golem Twins paradox.

In Chrono Trigger, the Golem Twins will copy the elemental attacks you use, but ironically if you let them copy no moves, their regular attack is by far the most devastating, so the strategy is to let them copy your moves. Well, Tsubasa, the main character of the story, has Megaman-like powers and can copy the moves of his opponent at will. Problem is, he is definitely at least the second best soccer player in the world, and his moveset has no weaknesses. That means, whenever he's copying someone else's move, unless it's from Rivaul (#1) or Natreleza (tied for #2), it is clearly an inferior move to something he already knows. Yet for 40 years, nobody has figured out that the key to defeat Tsubasa is let him copy some useless moves. Only Natreleza was able to figure this out, as he'd do some move, score, and then tell his team Tsubasa is going to copy that move and this is how you counter it. He is perhaps the character that came closest to defeating Tsubasa before "Japan never loses' plot device trumps his considerable talent and strategy.

3. Honor

In the junior World Cup Jr., one of the guys from Sweden has a kick that literally kills the opponent and you use that to kill the goalie and then score. Tsubasa apparently convinced this guy that it is dishonorable to kill your opponents as no true samurai would ever do this. The guy agrees and stops using his killer kick, and team Japan goes on to win in overtime.

Three years later, the same guy faces off a variant of Team Japan, and this time Sweden was behind by a goal, so he decided that although it is dishonorable to try to kill your opponent while the score is tied, it is clearly justified when your team is behind 1. Unfortunately by then Team Japan has learned how to stop his killer kick without getting killed.

Also in the same scene in the junior world cup, the guy from Sweden had a clean shot at a unguarded net after just killing his defender, and after some flashback and stuff he decided to kick the ball out of the bounds so they can perform emergency operations on the guy who should've died. So, Tsubasa says we must respect this honor and then tosses the ball to that guy with a FULLY PROTECTED NET. Of course the guy misses (remember he's not using his killer kick anymore).

4. Bad luck

One of the goalie in Team Japan is supposed to be the offensive goalie. He sucks at blocking goals but you'll see him randomly charge up the front line and try to score. But ever since the series started with the characters in elementary school, I don't think this guy has ever scored a goal or assisted. But this doesn't stop him from always leaving the net completely unguarded to try to score. At least in the recent episodes this guy decided maybe his true calling wasn't a goalie.

Karl Schnider, the world's #1 forward, always talks of how his Flame Kick has a 50% chance to score from any position even against Japan's SGGK, aka God. I believe he is currently up to something like 0 out of 100 against the SGGK, but every time he kicks you still see him say '50% chance to score!'. Clearly both Karl and the goalie guy are just on a really bad streak at the moment.

5. Illegal substances.

To add extra tension to the story, Tsubasa is constantly maimed by ninjas and he'd glue his leg on and continue playing soccer. Of course, even for a man like Tsubasa, having your leg maimed affects your ability to play soccer well, so Tsubasa is always seem ingesting unhealthy dose of painkiller, antithetics, and also practices ancient Chinese rituals. These methods have significant side effect and it's been said more than once that continued practice of these arts may ruin his leg forever.

Well, as we know in the real world, performance enhancing drugs don't have anywhere near the side effects compared to what Tsubasa practices in the fictional world. It is even possible they might have drugs like the stuff being used in Shaolin Soccer. Santana seems to be described as having cybernetic implants since he's always drawn as if having legs of steel. Either of these options will be far safer and potent than whatever Tsubasa is currently doing.