How long do I have the right to be bitter? (girl sitaution from the past months)

[Anarky]

<div style='font: 11pt ; text-align: left; '>Well I have been home from college for about 6 weeks now. I did not talk to the girl for 4 weeks, and did breifly online twice after. The 1st conversation was awkward and I intended it to be, barely respounded to the questions she asked. The 2nd time I asked if she owned up to honesty (atleast tell her mother), found out she still had not said anything though she did try to *hint* at it to her mom, until she noticed her mom did not seem to want to hear it. She basically said she was happy with the guy and things are working out, yeah that made me pissed.

I told my family, I told my friends. Who did she tell..... no one. I guess that should tell me fuck it, she is not worth it since she has no sense of honesty (which is crucial in a relationship).

I wonder now if I can even call her a friend, if everything that happened between us needs to be a lie then maybe our friendship was too. I don't know if I am bitter over the fact she has not been honest, or still the fact it was not me who won in the end, which i probably should have listened to everyone in the beginning about getting fucked over.

Its not like I have not been going out with girls while I have been home, or been intrested in some. But still even a few seconds a day i think about the situation and how fucked up things are.

I know I am going to see her when I get back to school since she lives in the same Hall as me. And I just wonder if i need to avoid contact for the rest of summer till i get back, or hash something out now...

I fucking hate being in the BitterBarn</div>

[Eric]

<div style='font: 11pt ; text-align: left; '>

Well I have been home from college for about 6 weeks now. I did not talk to the girl for 4 weeks, and did breifly online twice after. The 1st conversation was awkward and I intended it to be, barely respounded to the questions she asked. The 2nd time I asked if she owned up to honesty (atleast tell her mother), found out she still had not said anything though she did try to *hint* at it to her mom, until she noticed her mom did not seem to want to hear it. She basically said she was happy with the guy and things are working out, yeah that made me pissed.

I told my family, I told my friends. Who did she tell..... no one. I guess that should tell me fuck it, she is not worth it since she has no sense of honesty (which is crucial in a relationship).

They NEVER tell their family and friends what really went down, they already have enough guilt to live with so they try and make sure the people they have to deal with on a regular basis don't know their dirt. I did the same as you, I told family friends, and just about everybody I know how this chick played me. Her family and friends? When I talk to her friends they tell me it's my fault somehow, and that I WAS THE ONE THAT BROKE UP WITH HER! Bullshit to say the least, but whatever let her live the illusion. Most likely out of guilt she'll call you one day, just because.

I wonder now if I can even call her a friend, if everything that happened between us needs to be a lie then maybe our friendship was too. I don't know if I am bitter over the fact she has not been honest, or still the fact it was not me who won in the end, which i probably should have listened to everyone in the beginning about getting fucked over.

Yeah, you got fucked over, don't even think about. She lied to you, she did the shit, and trust me it's not bothering her as much as you think it is, because the fact of the matter is that she has somebody to fall back on, you? You're just fucked with this uncompromising loneliness that doesn't want to fucking get out of your mind! Well, that's just me, but you get the idea. :) This shit isn't easy at all, it still hurts when I think about it because of all we went through. But you can't be her friend dude. Think about it, if you're her friend one day she'll be on the phone with you and he'll come in and she'll have to go. She might slip up and tell you how wonderful thing are with her boo, or she might just kinda not return your phone calls, and you'll know it's cause she's with him, or thinking about him or whatever. There's absolutely nothing healthy about you sticking around, it'll cause more heartache and you'll find out shit you just don't want to find out.

<div class=msg-quote>Its not like I have not been going out with girls while I have been home, or been intrested
in some. But still even a few seconds a day i think about the situation and how fucked up things are.</div>

Few seconds? Good for you, I think the combined time of seconds throughout any 24 hour period for me is about a freakin hour.

I know I am going to see her when I get back to school since she lives in the same Hall as me. And I just wonder if i need to avoid contact for the rest of summer till i get back, or hash something out now...

Duck and dodge dude. Just explain you can't be friends with somebody you love.

I fucking hate being in the BitterBarn

It's your right.</div>

[SineSwiper]

<div style='font: 10pt "EngraversGothic BT", "Copperplate Gothic Light", "Century Gothic"; text-align: left; '>Bitter at yourself or the girl? If the girl is dishonest, the girl is probably going to be dishonest for life. Don't forget that.</div>

[Anarky]

<div style='font: 11pt ; text-align: left; '>bitter at the girl / situation</div>

[SineSwiper]

<div style='font: 10pt "EngraversGothic BT", "Copperplate Gothic Light", "Century Gothic"; text-align: left; '>Then you have the right to be bitter for as long as you want.</div>

[Kupek]

<div style='font: 10pt verdana; text-align: left; padding: 0% 10% 0% 10%; '>You can't be friends with her. Be as bitter as long as you need to be. But she is not your friend.</div>

[Gentz]

<div style='font: 11pt arial; text-align: left; '>Wait, is she still going out with the guy she was cheating on with you? (that is the situation, right?)</div>

[the Gray]

<div style='font: 12pt ; text-align: left; '>Indulge the bitterness for a bit, drink & eat it for breakfast lunch and dinner for awhile until you get sick of it. You do get over it.</div>

[Eric]

<div style='font: 11pt ; text-align: left; '>No no, that's me. Anarky was the guy she was cheating on her boyfriend with.</div>

[Julius Seeker]

<div style='font: 12pt ; text-align: left; '>Think about it, what's the point? You can't blame her for being a human being.

Lets look at the situation. You guys broke up because something was not working out with one or both of you. Usually in this case it's the girl where something is not working out, but not always. I mean sometimes you're dating a girl and you find out that things are just boring or you don't really feel a connection. We've all been there before.

Most of the time (from my own experiences), when a guy breaks up with a girl (though this is sometimes true with women as well), it's for the simple reason of (to put it crudely and bluntly) new pussy. That is in our instincts, we want new pussy, all the time, and the only thing that is really holding us back is our social obligations and culture. Or maybe it's love, either way we always have a force that's holding us back from just going around and fucking any and every girl we can get our hands on (though this isn't true about every guy).

Anywways, the reasons for breaking up are usually simple ones.

About not telling everyone the full story, I don't think I've ever told anyone more details than "it wasn't working out" or "We were just getting kind of bored with the whole thing, we weren't right for each other." etc.... We're all human, there aren't any special rules that we need to follow in our society when dealing with breaking up, so it's our choice to handle it how we want.

On not becoming friends with her after. It depends, do you like her as a friend? If so, then why not stay friends? You might be missing out on knowing a very interesting person. Personally though, most girls aren't very interesting to talk to, but some are; it's just that guys tend to be mostly interested in some things and girls in other things that are totally different. I mean, you're not going to catch many girls watching Pro-Wrestling, boxing, or any kind of sports; similarilly you're not going to catch many guys watching Passions or Days of our Lives. You might find a girl who shares an interest in something with you, like perhaps videogames, or maybe long walks, hiking, the gym, or running; it might be a subject like history, or reading. I find a lot of girls are fairly intellectual. Still, when it gets down to the very basics, guys and girls are just into different things (well, it depends on sexual preference as well, Lesbians tend to make better friends with groups of guys than with girls, and gays tend to make better friends with groups of girls than with guys; it's just because they share all the basic natures).

As I see it, you're broken up, that just means you're not going out anymore, it doesn't mean you can't still be friends. However, if you two don't really have that much in common, then there's no point in being friends either; that's just a waste of time.

Just for the record, moving out of home during High School is fairly common in most of Canada (Southern Ontario, Montreal, and Newfoundland aside. In Newfoundland they live at home until they have kids of their own. I know it's not overly common throughout most of the US); However, myself, Kali, and BL all moved out at 16; from what I understand. Well anywways, to continue:

I've seen VERY bad break ups before. Back in High school, a friend of mine had his girlfriend over, and we had a party going. Everyone was pretty much passed out and so they all stayed over the night. Early in the morning, my friend woke up and RIGHT beside him on the couch his girlfriend Sharon was fucking some other guy. I woke up to him yelling at her. Anyways, they broke up, and stayed friends, but we didn't have a whole lot of respect for her after that. Sharon got fat after graduation, so at least we have that against her =)

I guess I should mention that in High School I went out with her about four-five months after Josh broke up with her. It's one of the funniest stories I have from High School, and it will probably any relationship problem you might have had seem quite tame =P

To end this post though. The moral of the story is, it all depends what you want for yourself. There's no point in being bitter at all, it's a complete and utter waste of time and energy. Whether or not to remain friends though is your decision, is she enough like you in personality to be a friend?</div>

[the Gray]

<div style='font: 12pt ; text-align: left; '>I think it's healthy to be pissed off for a bit. Then you get over it and focus your energies constructively. Bottling it up inside or ignoring it isn't a good idea, admit that you're bitter is better than that.</div>

[Gentz]

<div style='font: 11pt arial; text-align: left; '>No, that's what I said : )</div>

[ManaMan]

<div style='font: 12pt Arial; text-align: left; '>You on the other hand got deeply hurt because you were looking for companionship and love in the wrong place. Now you need to go out leave this situation behind. You'll find other girls and, most likely, you won't be their "other man".</div>

[SineSwiper]

<div style='font: 10pt "EngraversGothic BT", "Copperplate Gothic Light", "Century Gothic"; text-align: left; '>And you call yourself a psychiatrist...</div>

[Julius Seeker]

<div style='font: 12pt ; text-align: left; '>Although Psychology is an important aspect. Psychiatry is a medical field, it deals with medical sollutions to mental illness.

On the topic of breaking up, allowing emotion to get the hold of you is actually NOT healthy, it can lead to depression. Bitterness is one thing, as long as it's light hearted and not really tied into emotion. When bitterness turns into anger or agony, THEN there is a problem; that can lead to severe social disorders such as anti-social tendencies, or depression. To Gray: Despite what the Simpsons told us (bottleing up anger can cause death or raging outbursts), it's actually not like that, when guys do not pay attention to a certain emotion (as long as there is no chemicle reason for it) it tends to dissappear completely. Anger is a product of evolution, it's no longer a real requirement for us now that we are civilized. Of course, for a lot of people anger leads to happiness; but it can also lead to depression in others.</div>

[SineSwiper]

<div style='font: 10pt "EngraversGothic BT", "Copperplate Gothic Light", "Century Gothic"; text-align: left; '>Well, it should be done in moderation. But, like greiving for a death in the family, releasing the anger and bitterness in some way is healthy for getting rid of it.</div>