Interacial Couples (some of my recent dating stuff)

[Anarky]

Well I currently have a girlfriend once again. She is Creole (Black, Blackfoot indian, French). Now I am as white as they come, german, dutch, normadic, blah, blah, blah.

I notice a lot of people stare at us when we are out holding hands and being a couple. Now honestly I realize my girlfriend is hot, and most people wonder how I did it (i do too for that matter). She also happens to be a year and 7 months older than me. She is 21 and I am 20 (just turned on the 12th of march). So thats another weird thing...

Well we have dated for 3 months now, and she has been my 'girfriend' for 1 month+. If anyone remembers I mentioned at first she was seeing me and someone else at the time i started dating her. Well I was not into that and eventually kind forced her hand to make a decision. Which she seemed okay with at the time since the guy wanted to kinda see what was going on with an X-girlfriend. Well my girlfriend knew the guy back in HS and there was some history I guess. Well she later found out they only hung out once, and the guy was still intrested in her, still is to this date to be honest.

I am honestly not the most secure person since my BS last year involving the girl who cheated and such. So I feel very threatened by this guy, he calls almost everyotherday. And I talked to her about if I should let her see if she did make the right choice, but that would basically mean letting her see him and do whatever with him. Which is fucking wrong, cause she says she would not want me to go away. So.... I have to be 100% confident in myself, which I am not honestly.

So... I don't know what to do, I have talked to her how I feel about these guys who hit on her or still want her to be open to date. I myself have always been a person who said a girl was off limit if I knew she had a BF (yes i know last time was not a good example of that). So, I have to get over this hump of self-esteem and remind myself she is with me for a reason. I just don't know how to get there, cause honestly who wants to date a guy who questions what other guys are trying to pull when you know damn well your doing enough to keep her happy. I seriously have self-esteem issues and need to work on them, otherwise I may be saying goodbye to a relationship.

maybe i should not date hot women.... -_-

[Eric]

You got you a BLACK woman? You go boy. ;p

Anyways, yeah I had to deal with the a girlfriend type player for like 3 years, basically I always kept her in check by keeping the dudes she would talk to in check, I would meet them, I would answer the phone, I would get to know them, and let know not to try anything with my girl, straight up.

I'm not the jealous type, but dudes are dudes, I'm the same way I'll be a girl's friend knowing deep down I want something more, so I know how other dudes think just how you do. Keep in mind my relationship ended when the one dude I wasn't able to keep tabs on succeeded in whooing my chick. Was it my fault? nah I tried to hold it off for a while, but some people just aren't ready for that commitment.

Those that are, usually don't spend more then 5 minutes on the phone with people of the opposite sex, others will keep those people around just in case, cause you never know. >_> Basically there's no excuse for another dude getting your attention, all eyes should be on you. Dealing with someone who's...eh heh....very social with the opposite sex, can be nerve racking, unless you don't care, and you're doing your own thing on the side.

I'm keeping in mind that you have confidence issues, and you're probley NOT doing your own thing on the side, and you're holding on to this beautiful girl for your dear life. I know cats like you. Sucka for love. But it goes both ways, problem is, you don't offer her anything to feel insecure about. Ya don't have ex-girls calling you, so you have little to no leverage. Then you've got that "I love her so bad I want what's right" so you even considered "And I talked to her about if I should let her see if she did make the right choice, but that would basically mean letting her see him and do whatever with him. Which is fucking wrong, cause she says she would not want me to go away." Noooo. no no no. BAD. Very bad!

First off, that shows a lack of confidence, you know you have a lack of it, *I* know you have a lack of it, but SHE can never know you have a lack of it. You're the man, you have to man up, and you can't back down to other people you feel threatined by. You have to let her know the shit's wrong, if she loves you, and she doesn't want you feel uncomfortable, then she'll eliminate the thing causing your discomfort. ie, Romeo on the phone. Otherwise you're gonna run into this problem again down the line.

PS, it's really not your fault, most women are always open to the idea of a new relationship or friendship, and they like to see where it goes, it's like connect the dots really, they wanna see how the picture forms.

[SineSwiper]

I'd have to disagree with most of Eric's advice. There's a major issue of trust, damn near faith, with any relationship. Trust is everything. Even if you've been burned before, burned several times before, you must regard a new relationship with the utmost trust that the woman isn't jacking you. It's very hard when you've been hurt because of an abuse of trust, but it has to be done.

Just make sure that she understands that you want to be a study boyfriend. From there, just drop the jealousy/lack of confidence, and let her do what she wants. At the same time, she should understand that the grass is always greener on the other side. There's no point is jumping from rock to rock until there aren't any rocks left. If she wants to be friends with the guy, so be it, but she should know the boundaries of that. Calling and talking are alright. (Though, calling every day is a little worrysome.) Obviously, there's no kissing and getting close with friends. No going out with the guy by herself either. That's when you declare it a breach of trust and break it off.

You're not there to "defend other guys from your girlfriend". She can do that by herself. Acting jealous just closes her in and makes her think that you don't trust her. If she thinks that, she really will jump ship. And if she leaves herself open to attack from other guys and cheats on you, then she's not right for you in the long-term anyway. You don't need a girlfriend that you need to worry about when she's alone (and visa-versa).

I'm not the jealous type, but dudes are dudes, I'm the same way I'll be a girl's friend knowing deep down I want something more, so I know how other dudes think just how you do. Keep in mind my relationship ended when the one dude I wasn't able to keep tabs on succeeded in whooing my chick. Was it my fault? nah I tried to hold it off for a while, but some people just aren't ready for that commitment.

Don't take this the wrong way, but I think those 3 years of trying to "fend off the dudes" was what cause you such a 50-story fall in the first place. If you had just let her be, and do what she wants (knowing that both of you were study bf/gf), she would have cheated on you with the first guy that tried to woo her, and you would have known much earlier that she wasn't right for you. A crash like that you can survive from. A crash from a relationship for 3 years really hurts, and wastes time to boot.

Even for a player, there are just rules that you don't break. If you really are a serious boyfriend and girlfriend couple, then no fucking around with other guys. You give a woman enough rope to hang herself with, because a smart woman who's commited to a relationship isn't going to use it. Somebody else will fuck up, so that you can call her out on it. Shit, I would have called her out when she was saying that she didn't want to have sex any more. Unless the chick has AIDS, that's a damn good sign that she's seeing somebody else.

Those that are, usually don't spend more then 5 minutes on the phone with people of the opposite sex, others will keep those people around just in case, cause you never know. >_> Basically there's no excuse for another dude getting your attention, all eyes should be on you. Dealing with someone who's...eh heh....very social with the opposite sex, can be nerve racking, unless you don't care, and you're doing your own thing on the side.

There's nothing wrong with being friends with ex-gf/bfs. Not all break-offs are severe enough to require complete seperation. Sometimes, both parties just agree that the shit wasn't working, so they break it off and remain friends. They aren't trying to keep other dicks in a glass case for emergencies. (Or at least they shouldn't be; that's just bad behavior, especially when she's in a long-term relationship.)

My fiancee talks with two of her old boyfriends quite a bit. Do I feel threatened? No, because I know that she's with ME now, and not them. I trust her with that.

[Julius Seeker]

I agree with Sine here. If a girl is going to cheat on you then she wasn't ready for an exclusive longterm relationship anyways, she may never be ready. As a guy, I can say that I do have a fairly flirty attitude about me towards girls; that doesn't mean I am going to go with any of them. Oh believe me it has crossed my mind for nearly every single one of them, but I have that loyalty factor in me that is 100 times stronger and nothing can break that. In High School and stuff, I used to break up with girls to try something new; I don't get swayed by that anymore. It's better to stay with the one your with if you have been happy before, because chances are that is as happy as you can be in the future, and any other girl might not be able to bring you to that point. I have slapped myself over some of the girls I broke up with, and i honestly felt really bad abbout some of them later. Why we have these stupid learned conscious things, I don't know, but they make us good mature people I think.

[the Gray]

Not feeling secure? Pretty normal reaction in the situation really. The trick is not to let it interfere with your interactions with each other.

But look at it another way. She DID choose you when you laid it down before. Be secure in that. She obviously realizes that you are committed to her, so why not trust that she is to you?
Give her an excuse to get frustrated with you and I can almost guarantee she will leave for this other guy, or someone else.

Trust is tough, especially when you've been burned before. But, if you don't you're going to fuck a lot of relationships up before they get very far along.

[Imakeholesinu]

I'll try and compromise here. Do kinda what eric said and kinda what sine said. When he calls next and you've got her phone, pick it up and answer it, talk to the guy for a bit, just shoot the shit or whatever. Confidence is a new fangled tool also in my arsenal that is getting used quite a bit recently now that the sun is actually shining. All you have to do is make your presence known. So if she's on the phone with him, do something flirty too her. Or try and do something flirty too her before she answers the phone so she's laughing when she answers to show that hey you are showing her a good time and he needs to back off. I know the type of guy that you are talking about, my roommate that I despise is one of those guys who thinks that every girl is his and every girl likes him, but he only calls when he needs the ego boost. Who cares, you pulled a hot girl, you are king shit, but you are thinking again way too far ahead. You've got your foot in the door of the house, but have you checked the upstairs or the attic, or maybe even the basement yet? Problem I keep seeing with you me and oracle is that we are apparently sold before we even see what a girl is like since we're so caught up on the fact that "Hey, someone actually could give two shits about what the hell we think." and we can't keep thinking like that. I think that's our main problem. We keep running to the first thing that shows us some leg and we're going to be having a lot of 1 nighters and short term relationships, either that, or just ones that hurt.

[Anarky]

you guys give solid advice i must say

anyway for the hell of it, here is a picture of me and her from Easter Sunday

[Shellie]

Shes cute! Youre not so bad yourself...I cant see why you'd be suprised she's into you.

[Imakeholesinu]

Dude, fuck all those other guys man. All I'm sayin is you got nothin to worry about.

[the Gray]

Jebus Fucking Christ!

I know it's a bit of a joke that all blacks/whites/asian/hispanics etc look alike but wtf!

Maybe it's just me but you look far too much like myself for comfort Anarky. Zeus, Derithian have a look and tell me. Add a goatee and some burns to me.... Jebus...


Oh yeah, good score man she's a hottie. From that picture, I'd say you have nothing to worry about, she's definately into you. But that's just my impression.

[Shellie]

Lets see your pic, Gray

We need a Shrine photo album.

[Blotus]

Come to think of it, I don't know what most people here look like.

[Ishamael]

Number one: Never say you shouldn't date hot women.

That said, make sure she's not doing the play with the other guy in a lame attempt to keep you twirled around her finger ala Kobe's wife and Karl Malone. If you suspect that, drop her immediately and look for someone else.