The Corrupt Wish

[Nev]

I saw this on the Ponderer's Guild:

Person 1 starts with a wish. Person 2 grants it, but corrupts it...like in the following example:

1: "I wish I was world-famous and internationally known."
2. "Granted. You're Michael Jackson."

Or...

1. "I wish I had all the money in the world."
2. "Granted. Unfortunately, no one else has any money anymore, and a violent Marxist revolt is taking place outside of your mansion. Good luck with the peasants!"

Here's a reference: http://p088.ezboard.com/fponderersguild ... =138.topic

The idea (I think) is to give thought or pause to those yearnings we all have and remind us hopefully that sometimes we have what we need, even if we don't always get what we want.

Anyone wanna play? I'll start.

I wish I were really, really cut (in other words, very very in-shape.)

[Don]

I like one of the items from Hunter X Hunter, where you get to make 1000 wishes and get 3 of them come true at random. You also can't pad your wishes (e.g. "I want a billion dollar" and then "I want a billion +1 dollars").

[Nev]

What?

[Oracle]

Granted, unfortunately because of the immense stress put on your body all at one time, you live in pain every day of your life.

[Nev]

hah!

where's your wish?

the idea is the "granter" then puts up a wish of his/her own.

[Oracle]

I wish I was a musical genius.

[Don]

Granted, but you're deaf (like Beethoven).

I wish someone would make a good RPG.

[Eric]

Granted but you'd be blind, and unable to enjoy it.

I wish I could mimc everyone/anything's voice.

[Imakeholesinu]

Granted but you now speak like Mike Tyson and with a lisp.

I wish for popsicles.

[Don]

Isn't the corrupted part supposed to be relevant to the wish... not like "I wish I was strong, but now I got AIDS?"

I demand a re-answer!

[Nev]

Granted. Wait, did you say <b>pop</b>sicles? With only one "o"?

<i>(throws away an extra vowel)</i>

I wish for extremely hot sex (with a girl) right now.

EDIT: Don: Granted. They made the RPG. As a matter of fact, it's the best RPG ever created...with anime cutscenes so beautiful to make grown men weep...but they had to hire the best anime artists in Japan in order to do it. All of them. The only anime to come out for the next year involves tentacles or bodily functions (usually) not related to sex.

By the way, the RPG never actually comes out in the states, because the company heads involved know Americans are too dumb to appreciate anime of this quality.

[Eric]

Granted, but you can't hold an erection.

I wish for the Triforce. @_@

[Don]

That wouldn't bother me. I can just import it.

[Don]

You become a Gamecube doing the TriForce attack from Sega Fantasy VI.

I wish the X (Megaman) series would end.

[Nev]

Granted. It's pulled in favor of an entirely new Megaman series. In an effort to enhance crossover appeal to girls, gameplay heavily revolves around a shared-data feature with Mary-Kate and Ashley's Great Mall Adventure 3. Also, Gilbert Gottfried is cast as the voice of Megaman. Enjoy!

I wish I had a couple of authentic Mexican tacos.

[Gentz]

Granted, but the crunchy shells cut the roof of your mouth CAUSING YOU MODERATE DISCOMFORT! HAHAHAHAHAAAaaaaa!

oop...Also, I wish it was Christmas every day.

[Nev]

Granted. The malls are PACKED. Get cracking.

I wish I were a better person.

[Imakeholesinu]

Granted, you will never have kids though.

I wish for a safe place to shit.

[Kupek]

Granted, but you're constipated.

I wish I had more sleep.

[the Gray]

Granted, you now have a form of narcalepsy that causes you to fall asleep whenever an attractive woman is near.

I wish I was a great writer.

[Nev]

Granted. Your writings are beautiful, soulful, and so far ahead of their time that you can't sell a God-blessed copy to cover the ten thousand dollar loan you had to take out to get them published. I hear the taco bar down at the mall is hiring, though!

I wish I was a little bit taller - I wish I was a baller? (I guess I already did the "I wish I had girl that I could get it, I would call her" part. Anyone remember this song? Skee-Lo?)

By the way, Barret, that was pretty funny.

[Oracle]

Granted, but now you play for the men's Canadian Olympic Basketball Team.

I wish I had rocketboots.

[Flip]

Granted, but so does everyone else, infact you have last years model and are rideculed everyday of your life for being cheap. Also, you cant afford fuel for your crappy rocketboots.

[Flip]

I wish i didnt have to work.

[Agent 57]

Granted - you're in jail.

I sure wish <i>I</i> had a monkey's paw (FYI, that's probably the inspiration for this whole thing).

[kent]

Granted, you are a monkey in a North Korean Test Lab for Biological Weapons.

I wish all sharks have lasers "strapped to their friggen heads."

[Kupek]

I wish all sharks have lasers "strapped to their friggen heads."

Granted, but now you owe me <i>ONE MILLLLLION</i> dollars.

I wish I had a 20" iMac.

I sure wish I had a monkey's paw (FYI, that's probably the inspiration for this whole thing).

As awesome as The Simpsons is, it didn't invent the idea of "be careful what you wish for."

[Agent 57]

As awesome as The Simpsons is, it didn't invent the idea of "be careful what you wish for."

*laughs*

Kup, while it's true I was quoting the Simpsons, I was actually talking about the short story "The Monkey's Paw" that the Simpsons segment was based on in the first place.

And man, was that ever a <i>creepy</i> story. Been years since I read it, but I still remember how scary the end of it was.

[Julius Seeker]

Granted, but your I-pod plays the entire song of macarena at a set volume every time you turn it on and off.

I wish I Saddam Hussein would start his own talkshow.

[Imakeholesinu]

Granted, then ESPN offers you a job where you make a racist comment and you blame it on painkiller abuse. Take that Rush Limbaugh!

I wish to be caught up this semester in college.

[Manshoon]

Granted, but you have no life outside of school and no time for friends or girls since you're hitting the books 24/7.

I wish I had more stuff to do at work.

[Oracle]

Granted.

I wish I could find a pen.

[Eric]

Granted you had to dig it outta yer ass.

I wish there was world peace.

[SineSwiper]

I wish I had a couple of authentic Mexican tacos.

Satan gave me a taco; And it made me really sick; The chicken was all raw; And the grease was mighty thick
The rice was all rancid; And the beans were so hard; I was gettin' kinda dizzy; Eatin' all the lard
There was aphids on the lettuce; And I ate every one; And after I was done; The salsa melted off my tongue
Pieces of tortilla; Got stuck in my throat; And stains on my clothes; Burned a hole through my coat
My stomach was trembling; And I broke out in a rash; I was so dry an thirsty; And I didn't have no cash
So I went and found a hose; Tore off all my clothes; Turned on the water; And it shot right up my nose

I wish there was world peace.

Granted, but it involves everybody on happy drugs.

I wish I could hurry up and finish KotOR.

(This game is also as bad as the "The Person Above Me" thing.)

[Imakeholesinu]

Granted, but right after you beat the game your system catches fire and burns the house down.

I wish to my fantasy baseball league.

[Julius Seeker]

Granted, but the baseball players go on strike.

I wish I would stop making racist comments on ESPN (because of my painkiller addiction).

[Imakeholesinu]

Granted, you quit and try to revive your career on talk radio only to discover your fans now know you really are full of shit.

I wish for milk for my cookies.

[Eric]

Granted, but it's sour.

I wish somebody would reply to my reply. (ohhh now what?!)

[Nev]

Granted conditionally...on the condition that you scream "I have sex with monkeys" at the top of your lungs immediately upon reading my reply. Otherwise, this response is for Barret.

I wish for a million, billion, TRILLION dollars.

[Nev]

I wish I Saddam Hussein would start his own talkshow.

Whoa, what happened here? Seek, did you edit this later or something? Or did Sine?

[Julius Seeker]

Wow, I didn't even notice that. I don't think I put that. Anyways, you have your wish granted, you now have a million billion trillion dollars in cash, 1 dollar bills to be exact. Because of this the nations economy colapses and it now costs a hundred trillion dollars to buy a turnip. The US converted all of their dollars to the Euro since the US dollar is now completely worthless. Speaking of the Euro, when your enormous pile of money began blowing away all over LA, you got charged 50,000 Euro's for littering.

I wish I Saddam Hussein's Talk Show would guest star Ayatollah Khomeini

[Nev]

Okay, that's really not funny. (Not talking about you, Seeker - more whoever's punking your posts.)

[SineSwiper]

Okay, that's really not funny. (Not talking about you, Seeker - more whoever's punking your posts.)

Not I.

[Imakeholesinu]

Granted conditionally...on the condition that you scream "I have sex with monkeys" at the top of your lungs immediately upon reading my reply. Otherwise, this response is for Barret.

I wish for a million, billion, TRILLION dollars.

ahh Mental thinks he's funny.

Granted, now the Yen, Euro and whatever currency Canadian's use is worth a million, billion, TRILLION more than the dollar. Inflation is a bitch.

I wish that life options were a lot easier.

I HAVE SEX WITH MONKEYS!

[Julius Seeker]

Granted conditionally...on the condition that you scream "I have sex with monkeys" at the top of your lungs immediately upon reading my reply. Otherwise, this response is for Barret.

I wish for a million, billion, TRILLION dollars.

ahh Mental thinks he's funny.

Granted, now the Yen, Euro and whatever currency Canadian's use is worth a million, billion, TRILLION more than the dollar. Inflation is a bitch.

I wish that life options were a lot easier.

I HAVE SEX WITH MONKEYS!

Barret! I am insulted at this lack of knowledge on your part. Our currency is rupees.....

[Nev]

Barret! I am insulted at this lack of knowledge on your part. Our currency is rupees.....

(introduces a petition to have the currency of the U.S. converted to Gil)

[Imakeholesinu]

Granted conditionally...on the condition that you scream "I have sex with monkeys" at the top of your lungs immediately upon reading my reply. Otherwise, this response is for Barret.

I wish for a million, billion, TRILLION dollars.

ahh Mental thinks he's funny.

Granted, now the Yen, Euro and whatever currency Canadian's use is worth a million, billion, TRILLION more than the dollar. Inflation is a bitch.

I wish that life options were a lot easier.

I HAVE SEX WITH MONKEYS!

Barret! I am insulted at this lack of knowledge on your part. Our currency is rupees.....

Isn't that some sort of STD?

[Julius Seeker]

Heheheh, you're thinking of herpes I think. I on the otherhand in your position would have been thinking of rufees =)

[Imakeholesinu]

GO GO RUFEE COLATTA!!!

[Tortolia]

Rohypnol: The drug that really, really shouldn't be funny, but kinda is anyway.