Prometheus

[Eric]

This movie was...bad, like....holy shit. I can't believe it's gotten 4 out of 4, and 5 star reviews.

[Lox]

[SineSwiper]

This movie was...bad, like....holy shit. I can't believe it's gotten 4 out of 4, and 5 star reviews.

James Cameron = TURNS SHIT TO GOLD!
Ridley Scott = TURNS SHIT TO GOLD!

[Julius Seeker]

I like James Cameron generally as a film maker - he makes beautiful looking movies with interesting characters (despite the fact that his critics find his script work to be poor). On the other hand, I find Ridley Scott is great for making awesome scenery, but tops it with completely boring characters; overall making even his most praised movies kinda boring.

[SineSwiper]

Directors should be directors. Writers should be writers. Every time you mix them all together, things go horribly wrong, unless they have the foresight to hire some co-writers to clean up things -AND- they aren't a dick about that co-writer changing the parts that they don't like.

Heh, Ridley didn't even write the thing. How disappointing.

[Zeus]

This movie was...bad, like....holy shit. I can't believe it's gotten 4 out of 4, and 5 star reviews.

Umm, a little more details, Eric. Maybe some of us actually wanna know why you didn't like it....

[Flip]

This movie was...bad, like....holy shit. I can't believe it's gotten 4 out of 4, and 5 star reviews.

Umm, a little more details, Eric. Maybe some of us actually wanna know why you didn't like it....

What? Reasons?! THE MOVIE SUCKS! (solely based off eric and my admiriation for his tastes). What a pile of garbage!!

[Eric]

This movie was...bad, like....holy shit. I can't believe it's gotten 4 out of 4, and 5 star reviews.

Umm, a little more details, Eric. Maybe some of us actually wanna know why you didn't like it....

I'll post a Don-esque essay later on what I didn't like. :p

[bovine]

I liked the movie. I thought it was paced well and that it looked gorgeous!

And then I started thinking more about the movie afterwards and it has some MAJOR STORY PROBLEMS.... but I still like it as a movie.

[Zeus]

This movie was...bad, like....holy shit. I can't believe it's gotten 4 out of 4, and 5 star reviews.

Umm, a little more details, Eric. Maybe some of us actually wanna know why you didn't like it....

What? Reasons?! THE MOVIE SUCKS! (solely based off eric and my admiriation for his tastes). What a pile of garbage!!

I ask because I have never known Eric to be a man of faith :-)

[Eric]

This is probably one of the longest posts I've made on the Shrine in a while, so you better damn well enjoy it Zeus.

If this sounds a little scatterbrain, I apologize, I'm just trying to recall issues I had with this movie off the top of my head.

It is a pretty movie, it has a ton of great effects, eye grabbing scenes that are pretty awesome, but the good stuff kinda stops there.

This is a B grade movie with a huge budget, that...doesn't recognize it's a B level movie. Like, B level movies have really stupid things in them, but they recognize, "oh we're a shitty b-grade movie, so we can have fun with it!" This movie doesn't do that, it takes itself seriously, which does you, the viewer a disservice, because you're watching this bullshit unfold in front of you and you actually kind of feel insulted that the it's trying so hard to be so serious when it's all so bad.

So my mentality throughout the movie was like

"Heh, that's pretty stupid."
"That's really dumb."
"Why the fuck would you-...."
"This is bullshit."

So to start off with, the entire cast in this movie isn't likable. Now this is a horror movie, so you pretty much expect everyone across the board to get murdered in one way, shape or form, but along the way you might actually care about who makes it and who doesn't. I think the original Alien did a good job with this. The cast of alien weren't heroes, or marines, they were for the most part normal people working a 9-5(On a spaceship) with family and friends back on Earth that get trapped on a spaceship with a monster. The 2nd Aliens movie gave us the marines, and I can still name off Hudson, Hicks, Apone, Bishop, Burke, etc off the top of my head. Those 2 movies had some fun characters.

The problem with this movie is that - the only reason there's a movie, is because the people on this ship are a bunch of fucking retards. I think they're maybe a step above some random kids in a Friday the 13th movie, and even then I might be being generous. Most horror movies, put your random group of characters into a bad situation, and you watch them claw their way out of it trying to survive. I think in this movie, every single thing that ends up trying to kill them(or does) is because the characters are so unbelievably retarded that they keep doing stuff that gets them killed, or put them in a situation that will get them killed.

I honestly feel like this is an important part that really just kills all the tension, because honestly who cares if idiots kill themselves.

If some idiot is smoking weed, and comes across a pool of lava, stands there and watches the lava spew out more lava, and then falls in, that's not scary, that's not smart, that's fucking stupid, and yes, that is basically a scenario for something that happens in this film.

The only semi-interesting/likable character in this movie is actually the antagonist, who has this one really profound scene at one point with one of the doctors. Every single other interaction between any characters in this movie just annoyed me to death. Everything else these characters do is idiotic, pointless, annoying, or just downright unpleasant, and that's the whole movie. You, these stupid characters, and their retarded interactions with this planet that ultimately gets them all killed for no reason.

I have various complaints about the things about the movie itself, but this is where spoilers start, also, again, scatterbrained, because I'm recalling this off the top of my head.

Spoiler: show

Let's start with the premise, Peter Wayland, CEO of Wayland Industries buys a trillion dollar space ship to make first contact with aliens that potentially created humanity. And on this trillion dollar ship, he puts 17 people....and that's it. No military, no weapons, no ambassadors, just 17 woefully underqualified idiots.

Guy Pearce as Peter Weyland: Why? I thought he was awesome in that viral video that made, because Guy Pearce is awesome. But in this movie he's an old man...in make-up....in every scene he's in. Just, why? Could they have not gotten Lance Henriksen? I hear he's 72 now! Or any older actor to play the old role?

They can breathe on the alien planet: I just found how they came to this conclusion, and this guy's random leap of faith that everything is ok idiotic, which was my first hint that these characters are idiots.

2 Stoner idiots: There are 2 members of this trillion dollar expedition that are exceptionally dumber then the rest of the cast. They come down on the alien planet, and find an alien. They proceed to freak out and tell everyone they're going back to the ship because fuck this, aliens are real argh! They don't get back to the ship, they end up lost somehow(Despite the fact it's explained that they made a map), the captain doesn't realize they're lost until later in the movie, despite the fact the captain can see them on the map that was made from the ship. They walk into a room with black goo on the ground pulsating. A fucking alien looking serpent like thing pops out of the black goo and stares at one of them. One of the idiot stoners looks at it and is like "Dude, it's so beautiful, hi there little guy, hi, you're a cutie, yes you are!" The fucking alien goes full cobra on them, hissing and shit, and then the idiot stoner goes..."Dude, it's so beautiful, hi there little guy, hi, you're a cutie, yes you are!" and it leaps on him, breaks his arm, while the other tries to cut it off, gets sprayed with Acid(after just staring for a minute and exchanging a few more "dudes") and then it mouth rapes the one who was saying it was beautiful. Why? Just...WHY? These are the same two dipshits that freaked out about a dead alien body, but the fucking viper alien cobra thing hisses at them and they try and touch it and call it beautiful? It wasn't a fucking puppy goddamnit. Holy shit, everything about these 2 was retarded, I get angry thinking about it.

The Map: I touched on this before, basically they had this device that made a map of the tunnels/caves which charted the entire place like something out of a video game. Yet they still managed to lose the 2 retards above.

Alien Baby/Mother/Father/Antagonist: The Antagonist poisons one of the crew members with a drop of alien goo, for no reason, I guess he was just curious what would happen. Said crew member just happens to fuck his wife that night. The next day he wakes up and sees something is wrong with him, but doesn't say shit, he continues to not say shit even though he's obviously fucking dying. There was no reason for him not to say anything, this was retarded. She ends up preggers with his baby, but she's infertile so it's obviously not human. Nobody wants to take it out of her, so this leads to one of the most retarded scenes in the movie. She hops into some kind of surgical machine, stabs herself with needles full of who the fuck knows, has a laser cut open her stomach and pull out the baby alien, then gets her stomach STAPLED CLOSED, and walks it off for the rest of the movie, even able to run at high speed later on! Brilliant movie, invasive surgery isn't shit in the future.

The surgical machine: It's only programmed to handle men, yet it belongs to Charlize Theron's character, so this made me actually wonder if maybe Charlize Theron was a tranny, which invoked more thought from me then this entire movie.

The engineers/our makers: 100% DNA match, fuckers are twice our size, smarter and strong as shit, fuck you movie.

Retard Stoner returns as alien: They open the door for no reason, he kills like 5 people, then gets set on fire, shot, and rolled over. This served no purpose, I don't know who died, once again their stupidity resulted in people dying for no reason.

Wayland's motivation: He's old and rich, doesn't want to die and hopes his makers can stop him from dying. I facepalmed.

Giant Space Ship crash scene: Penny-Arcade actually did a comic on this, check out their June 13, 2012 strip.

Last Survivor: Ellen Ripley you ain't. She's somewhat religious I guess, and she wears this cross around her neck. So one of the back and forth going on between her and the antagonist is about her belief in her faith. And...I find this exceptionally stupid, because they know Aliens made us, they know, she knows, whatever. In this world, she's a scientist and her faith should be shattered, who gives a crap about Jesus and Christian views when....you just found out who really made us, it wasn't god, Jesus was not god's son, religion is bullshit basically. So in one of the last conversations between her and the antagonist, he sees she's wearing the cross, and he's like "So after all this, you still believe don't you", and she of course says "DARN RIGHT I DO!" and at that point I just...I mean at this point in the movie I was already beaten, broken, and defeated by how disappointing this movie was, but the fact that this character can say this regardless of the fact of everything that's happened in this movie killed me. Like nothing good happened on this trip, her faith is never rewarded, nothing stands out as exceptional. It's just so stupid. I feel like the movie tried to force a god/alien discussion down your throat and failed miserably, this was not deep, it contradicts everything that's actually happened in the movie.

In closing, fuck this movie, I know some of you will still go and see it despite my warning, and I hope you can see past it's shortcomings more than I.

[Zeus]

Well, Eric, I ain't gonna quote that monstronsity, so I'll just post my response in the spoiler below 'cause I don't wanna keep track of what I'm spoiling for those who haven't seen it yet

Spoiler: show

There's one thing we always need to remember with horror or suspense-thriller flicks: everyone's an idiot. I spent a long time being pissed at how everyone`s a moron and that`s how they move the plot along. Now it`s just something I forced myself to expect and accept because it`s never anything different. Holes in the plot are, unfortunately, a side-effect of this (getting lost in a cave for which you have a map, particularly the guy who actually created the map, was the huge, glaring one). It`s happened in every single thriller or suspense-horror flick I can remember, including the best ones. Even every Alien movie they put themselves in stupid situations due to decisions that seem to be made by people with lobotomies. You just have to learn to accept this before you watch movies like this. And a big part of it is because they want certain `horror` scenes in there so people don`t complain that it`s `too slow`. That`s an attempt to meet audience and critic expectations.

If you didn`t find any redeeming qualities in the characters, I can certainly see why you`re pissed (about 85% of what you wrote was about the characters, you REALLY didn`t like them :-). I`m not gonna sit here and throw points back and forth about the characters. You don`t like them, you don`t like them.

Correction: the reason that the one-of-only-twelve-ever-made medical machines is only calibrated for a male, and the reason they bring it up at that point, is because it`s for Weyland and they actually drop some hints of the big `reveal` that he`s still alive and on the ship. Now whether or not you think that`s stupid or not is your own opinion, I`m just pointing out a fact.

And another correction: the reason David infects the husband of the chick from Girl With Dragon Tatoo is because his prime directive is to help Weyland. He needs to test the black goop to determine if he can use it to help is `father` extend his life, the reason he`s even on this trip. Can`t do that if you don`t know why it affects humans and, since he`s a pretty early android model, he REALLY has no compassion for anything. He only has a need to complete his directive without even a thought of the consequences of his actions or the safety of the crew. That`s the same reason he doesn`t take the `child` out of the chick, experimentation. Fact again, make your own decision whether it was stupid or not

The only thing I will disagree with you on is the reason they were able to breath in the cave. The creatures who created us out of their own DNA, who are far more advanced than us, created their own breathable space. To a race as advanced as that, it`s probably as easy as putting up an umbrella to create shade for us. Since they can breath it, we can. Simple, good explanation without holes or really any reason to hate it. Also, it is a precursor to the technology used in Aliens, maybe a small connection to come later. I had no issues with that at all. And the crew had atmospheric analyzers on their suits, they knew EXACTLY what`s in the air. No leap of faith there, that was just a sad attempt to create tension where there was none.

[Zeus]

And just for you, Eric (NOTE: spoiler alert in the article)

http://www.mania.com/prometheus-end-cre ... 33348.html

[bovine]

spoilin

Spoiler: show

Okay, so about the breathable air... Big alien gentleman was able to hike it from his fucked up ship to try and murder scientist woman at the end. He did so without a suit on, so could he breath that native air?

Additionally! Why the fuck did large alien gentleman even go to murder the woman? I understand if he was a little miffed because the humans fucked up his ship, but he could have also just GOTTEN INTO ANOTHER SHIP BECAUSE APPARENTLY THERE WERE LIKE A TON OF OTHER SHIPS!!

The alien impregnation thing seemed like an homage to Aliens/Alien 3, where they wanted to get these xenos past any sort of inspection on the return trip to earth. I am not arguing with your assessment, but it seemed like that to me.

I still liked the movie, but I stick by my idea that thinking about it just sucks. At least I am thinking about it, though. I didn't really give a shit about the Avengers after I saw it

[Imakeholesinu]

My 2 cents

Spoiler: show

So in response to Eric yes there are a lot of scenes and characters that, for lack of a better term, functioned on a lower level than a dog with down syndrome (if you get The League reference you get two points). I'll try and address most of your concerns to attempt to justify some of the stupidity.

1) Guy Pearce as Peter Weyland, they cut out all of his parts where David is talking to Peter while Peter is in Hyper-Sleep. Guy Pearce would have looked like Guy Pearce in those scenes because apparently he was supposed to be dreaming in that age. I, too was disappointed that these scenes were left out.

2) Also, yes, the medevac unit was built for a male, yet on the lifeboat because that is where Weyland was the entire time. It wasn't meant to be for Vickers, it was meant to be for Weyland since he's a prick to Vicker's towards the end and obviously I don't think Janek (Elba) would have had an Ace Ventura moment with Vickers while tweedle dee and tweedle dumb played lets pet the Cobra. So Vicker's is still a girl (and I'd hit that shit relentlessly).

3) Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb got lost because the probes hadn't finished their sweep by the time they decided to lose their shit and not come back the way they came (you know, use logic and shit), but you didn't catch the continuity error in this by leaving them there before the storm hit which I thought you would have. Logic would deduce that they were going to be the first two to the surface and get in the humvee, which sped off right as everyone else decided lets mill about until this Arizona sized dust cloud is almost right ontop of us because, you know, we need to make it more suspenseful. So the Humvee drives off and we assume those two idiots are driving it, NOPE. Well everyone was inside except those two idiots right? That's what I thought. So why is the humvee moving? Who is driving it? Derp derp...

4) Shaw and Holloway, I liked Shaw (Rapace) and thought she did what she could with the character she got and yes her obvious medical injuries and athletic prowess were bullshit and they still tried to carry a lot of that over when they were in the Map room and she's PMSing every 5 steps. Obviously David (Fassbender) stole every effing scene in the movie and Vicker's had her moments where she was either, uber bitch or creepy. I think Vicker's (Watts) character changed so much in the film from scene to scene it was a bit annoying. She went from not liking anyone to fucking Janek to having daddy issues to being inherently dumb when running outside (also I saw her death as being pretty fucking pointless).

5) I believe David had a motive by infecting Holloway with the alien goo and the reason for this was because he needed to figure out if that would help Weyland find his fountain of youth. Where the continuity error comes up is Holloway dies and Shaw is pregnant. You have to remember that David was before Ash and Bishop so he probably had none of the safeguards like Ash and Bishop had about the sanctity of human life as well so he could give two shits less if everyone else died besides Weyland who we as programed to obey unconditionally. Now the thing that made Holloway die made him turn into a Zombified Engineer/Human Hybrid but when he fucked Shaw she ends up with a Squid baby. I thought the black death was altering the gene combination in order to turn Holloway into a super human, bringing him back to life, which is what David theorized about when he poisoned him and was David's real mission for Weyland. He didn't want to die so find a way so he can live. The squid baby part is odd because if he banged her then she should have had a half human half engineer baby, but instead she gets a squidbilly. How can one thing produce two diversely different offspring?

6) Shaw is no Ripley but they make so many homages to it she becomes like her in the end with her creepy android counter-part.

Yes this movie was a shit show and the plot has bigger holes than octomom but I still enjoyed it.

Now I hope the Sequel to Bladerunner has a better plot and story because that is what it needs to have, this movie really didn't need a strong plot.

[Julius Seeker]

Watched the movie on Netflix, it seemed like a low budget film trapped inside of the body of a high budget film.

After reading this thread a while back and then watching it, I didn't end up disappointed like the rest of you guys.

Yeah it was stupid, but it wasn't nearly as stupid as 300.

[Eric]

http://www.ign.com/articles/2013/06/17/ ... new-writer

Well for those of you that liked this steaming pile, you're in luck!

Honestly though if I get an Aliens like trailer and they name it Prometheus....es, I'll sell out and go see it and bitch again even though I already know better lol.

[Julius Seeker]

Eric, the irony of your anti-Prometheus propaganda is that it made me set the bar so low for the movie that I was actually pleasantly surprised by a movie I might have otherwise disliked

You have my thanks!

[Eric]

Eric, the irony of your anti-Prometheus propaganda is that it made me set the bar so low for the movie that I was actually pleasantly surprised by a movie I might have otherwise disliked

You have my thanks!

rofl, I wish somebody had done the same for me!

[kali o.]

I wish I had an opinion...but I pretty much didn't pay attention while watching it -- it just kept boring me.

[SineSwiper]

http://www.ign.com/articles/2013/06/17/ ... new-writer

Well for those of you that liked this steaming pile, you're in luck!

Honestly though if I get an Aliens like trailer and they name it Prometheus....es, I'll sell out and go see it and bitch again even though I already know better lol.

The problem wasn't the writer. It was whoever re-wrote it to be f'king stupid. The original script was much much better, and didn't suffer from the braindead problems of the final script.

http://www.prometheusnews.net/movie/all ... es-online/

Also, I never saw the movie or read the script. I'm just somebody who catches these things on Fark.